Monday, 12 March 2012


Chester FC has been dealt a bitter blow, after a free weekend has led to many fans being cured of "the bug".

After the new club played its first game around 18 months ago, a number of Blues supporters confessed to having caught "the bug" again - an illness which manifests itself through symptoms such as compulsively attending every Chester FC match, spending your last penny on an away kit that'll only get worn twice and singing songs about men who you could probably get to paint your house for a few quid, if you wanted.

However, recent reports indicate that some Chester fans afflicted with "the bug" have felt their symptoms ease, following a weekend off the footy.

"This Saturday, I realised that there's more to life," said D-Block regular Henry Hoover.  "I actually spent some time with the kids, and they were telling me all about their studies and stuff.  Honestly, I had no idea they even went to school."

Dr Alison Cameron of the Countess of Chester has moved to explain the sudden recoveries.

"It seems that for "the bug" to thrive, the subject must be continually exposed to football," said Head of Weird Diseases, Cameron.

"It is a parasite that feeds on the testosterone-fuelled environment of grown men kicking a synthetic pig's bladder about whilst other grown men snarl. If you allow it to feast, it will convince you that football actually matters, and that Michael Wilde isn't merely a good non-league footballer, but more something akin to Superman."

"If, however, you can cut off the football supply at the source, you should soon find that a functioning sense of perspective starts to form."

In related news, the club has suffered a further setback, as the free weekend has also forced CFC-addicted children to go cold turkey.

"This is a disaster, as we're always talking about the need to get the kids hooked whilst they're still young," said 'buildforthefuture' off of the DevaChats. 

"Actually, that sounds utterly abhorrent doesn't it?  Excuse me, I'm going to go and see if I can find where I left my sense of common decency."

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