Friday, 20 April 2012

Chester FC vs Marine - Completion Preview

Chester will tomorrow finally release The Jestrian from the burden having to come up with this rubbish on a daily basis, as they wrap up their season by welcoming Marine to the Exacta Stadium.

Despite a highly impressive season in which Chester wrapped up the league title with three games to go, the whole sorry affair will be considered flagrant waste of time if the Blues don't wind up with 100 points and 100 goals.

"Double figures is nothing new, don't bring that weak mess round Youngy's house," growled manager Neil Young.  "It's the ton up or nothing for me."

Furthermore, Chester need only avoid defeat in order to finish the league season unbeaten in games not featuring Jamie Rainford.  #teamrainford

Circumstances have allowed Ashley Williams to feature substantially since his return from injury, and the central midfielder proved at Chorley Town that he hasn't lost the ability to fly into tackles with no regard for the safety of himself, his opponent or wider society in general.

"I'm trying to catch Powelly up for bookings," admitted Williams.

Elsewhere in the squad, Matty McGinn is a doubt, having picked up industrial tinnitus, due to the booming roars of "shooooooooooot" which now eminate from Chester fans whenever he picks up the ball.  This has reportedly caused McGinn to file a compensation claim against the club, which is thought to be the real reason behind next season's £2 price increase.

"Whaaat?!", shouted Matty McGinn when asked for a quote.

Despite repeated claims that money is desperately needed in order for Chester FC to progress, The City Fans United have confirmed that they are going to write off hundreds of pounds to give everyone who attends tomorrow a free programme, even though no-one ever has asked for this.

"It would make sense to give the fans something for free that doesn't cost the club money wouldn't it?", asked West Stand regular Harold Grabbers.  "How about the NATV highlights?  That's done for free isn't it?  Surely we haven't locked ourselves into a deal where voluntary work can't be rolled out to the public without charge?  Have we?"

The Blues will lift the trophy after the game, and fans are expected to flood onto the pitch in order that on Monday they may regail their colleagues with tales of how they touched the Evo Stik Northern Premier League trophy.

"The lads on the second floor won't believe it!", sobbed a misty-eyed Y Blocker, Kelvin Deerstalker.

Meanwhile, Neil Young has commented to Chronicle pen-wizard the Tall Peacock that he wants his players to savour the moment.

"I will be monitoring the situation, and anyone who I deem to have taken the occasion for granted will be forced to stay inside the stadium 'til they look a bit overwhelmed," barked a stern Young.  "Mike Taylor can be a bit surly, but I'm not in work on Sunday, so I've got all night if needs require."

The opponents, Marine, could frankly be anyone for the purposes of tomorrow's game and we've done the Arriva/Merseyrail rivalry jokes before, so that's quite enough about them.

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