Chester hit the road tomorrow in order to take on Mickleover Sports in a game which, in the grand scheme of things, is about as relevant as the solo career of that Abs out of 90’s boyband 5ive.
Following Chester's clinching of the title on Monday, many Blues supporters spent the evening believing themselves to be best mates with the squad, by getting in the way of various players as they attempted to bust a move on the dance floor and taking unflattering photographs of their clearly harrassed heros. One over-excited fan tweeted from Cruise that Neil Young had drunkenly and cryptically slurred that he was going to “do a Wenger” for the Mickleover game, before skulking off muttering something about having a superior puffer to the Frenchman.
“Me and Youngy are pretty pally these days,” rasped Harry Mac regular Dominic Sprinkler, which will no doubt be news to Neil Young.
With the title in the bag, players are already on the wind down with Michael Taylor claiming that he is “gonna be David Luiz for the next three games, basically.”
Whether this means that Taylor will attempt to play in the comical style of Luiz, or rather that he will seek to sport hair that a centre back shouldn’t have, remains to be seen.
Other players have also confirmed that they’re just going have a bit of a lark in the next few weeks. Playground mentality has taken over, and each player will pretend to be a footballing legend in the remaining games. Liam Brownhill has bagsied Cafu, Mick Wilde will mimic Alan Shearer and Scary Alex Brown has fiercely insisted that he is “well gonna be Paul Telfer”. After netting the spectacular title clinching goal, Matty McGinn has merely stated that he is going play like Wes Baynes and just shoot from anywhere.
“Do you reckon I could be Colin Murray for a few days?” blushed famous-again Deaf Skunks.
Meanwhile, Neil Young is refusing to take any questions on football, as the games "just don't matter anymore".
"Look, there are things going on in my life right now that are actually important," snarled Young, reportedly irate due to his wife's having forgotten to pick up some of his favourite chocolate mousses from Sainsbury's on Tuesday.
“Nobody cares now, it’s all about partying,” bubbled assistant manager Gary Jones, covering the awkward silence. “Powelly reckons he’s going to wear a tutu tomorrow, so we’ve asked the league for special dispensation to allow him to do so – he’s got the pins to pull it off.”