Monday, 9 April 2012

Stocksbridge Park Steels 1-2 Chester FC Practical Dead Rubber Report PLUS Chester FC vs Northwich Victoria - Very Lively Rubber Preview

Chester take on Northwich today, needing just a draw to secure the Evo Stik Northern Premier League top spot following a victory against Stocksbridge Park Steels on Saturday.

The Stocksbridge game threatened to break ranks with recent Chester outings.  The Blues scored two goals in 12 minutes, fooling fans into thinking they may just get an entertaining football match finally, but manager Neil Young quickly marshalled his troops, ensuring that they didn't go on to bag an 8-0 drubbing.

"Football is art,"  said Young.  "Sure, we could have gone on battered them, but where's the excitement in that? It's like cinema.  I don't like a film that makes everything easy for me.  I want to have to think about it; I want to have to work for my enjoyment.  I want a bit of drama, a bit of danger, a twist!  I want to have mysteries to solve along the way, then the big reveal and that heart-in-mouth moment before the hero prevails - that's what it's all about!"

The Blues boss wiped away a tear before finally returning back along his tenuous thread of thought and concluding "so yeah, that's why we let 'em have a goal and then hung on for dear life.  All part of the game plan, m'lady."

With the game ending 2-1 to the Blues, attention switched to today's game with Northwich, and Young was quick to point out that Vics have the advantage.

"They didn't play on Saturday.  Also, we're aiming to try and win it out at Mickleover just to make it a logistical headache. Trying to fit 3000 plus into a stadium which holds the same number of people as your average hot-tub?  Be a bit of a laugh wouldn't it?  Also, the Exiles are probably coming today, and they'd be well upset at having trekked up here for nothing."

"Worth it."

Northwich will be without controversial full back John Disney, who went down lightly following an altercation with Michael Powell - a man whose hair has more body than his actual body - at Victoria Stadium on Boxing Day.  Disney has cunningly gotten himself suspended for the occasion, much to the relief of anyone who cringes at the embarrassing Twitter exchanges between the former Republic of Ireland U17 international and those Blues fans who are of the impression that they can make Disney see the error of his ways by swearing at him in 140 characters or fewer.

Meanwhile, over on The Scorching Plaza of Blinding Intellgience (AKA. The Devachats), certain fans are seeking to ship out the current squad before they've even won us the title.

"You've gotta think ahead," said G Blocker, Preston Swingball.  "This is a rough world, and it would be remiss of us to allow even a second to pass between us winning the league and Youngy booting out those who I've deemed aren't good enough even though I've never watched a Blue Square North game in my life.  There's no time to celebrate, it's not like there's an off season in which to sort all this out, or anything."

It is unclear which players will be available for the match, with Chris Simm facing a fight to get his breath back in time, after he left the pitch winded on Saturday.  Christian Smith missed the Stocksbridge encounter altogether, and was left seething at how he was delivered the news that he was to be sidelined.

"I'm in the middle of an 83 game streak with Youngy on Draw Something," explained Smith  "Then he draws a shepherd's crook, and the answer was "DROPPED".  I figured it out and got my three coins, but it's scant consolation even if it did mean I could buy the colour green.  The gaffer's gone too far this time."

A big crowd is expected at the Exacta and, if past form is anything to go by, you can look forward to the Blues winning the trophy in Derbyshire next weekend.

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