Friday, 6 April 2012

Stocksbridge Park Steels vs Chester FC - Practical Dead Rubber Preview

Chester travel to Stocksbridge Park Steels tomorrow for a game of football which merely threatens to tire out their players ahead of Monday's showdown with second place Northwich.

Irrespective of tomorrow's result, a win on Monday would see Chester crowned champions leading to suggestions that Neil Young may field a weakened side versus Stocksbridge.

"We're rolling back the years - Gary Jones will play centre back and ol' Youngy will lead the forward line," revealed the Blues boss.

"Provided we can register him in time, we might be able to field Barrie Hipkiss wide left and all.  Tricky."

A bumper crowd was expected, but with even a win unable to fast-track Chester's title dream, many fans may now make alternative arrangements.

"Who can be bothered trekking out to Sheffield for a game that doesn't really matter?  I didn't make the effort to travel for the Doodson Cup, and I certainly won't be making the effort now," said West Stand sitter Karl Fairweather.

With his team now almost clear of the Evo Stik leagues, Neil Young's veneer of respect is starting to slip.

"What an embarrassing couple of seasons," he sneered.  "Evo Stik Northern Premier... they can't even spell 'stick' right.  How can you have any time for a company that can't spell its own name?  They got caned for that on The Apprentice on Wednesday."

Following the Blues' midweek victory over Kendal, former England international and local resident Michael Owen took to Twitter to give lip service to his home town almost securing the title. Most reasonable humans were appreciative of the publicity generated and are fully aware that Owen is fond of the club his Dad used to represent, however the comments were like red rag to a bull for some.

“Where was he when we were going bust?” croaked Barry Narnia, believing that Owen had some bizarre obligation to throw money at a football club that was run into the ground by undesirables.

“If he didn’t waste his time messing about with horses he could have helped us out,” added Colin Jerrycan, implying Owen should have given up his treasured hobby to prop up a failed non-league outfit.

Stocksbridge were once a side of note, due to the fact that they boasted the man with the most splendid name in all non-league, Peter Rinkcavage, as their manager.  Chris Willcock is now at the helm, and regularly suffers stick from fans who are unimpressed by his name.

"One fan even screamed that my name is 'too realistic'," recalled Willcock.  "How do you deal with that?!"

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