Thursday, 16 August 2012

Uproar over nothing

Chester FC continues to be rocked by the public uproar over stated plans to charge just seven pounds admission for this season's home encounter with Workington on August 22nd.

The revised pricing structure will be put in place in order to celebrate twenty years at the Deva Stadium, but some Season Ticket Holders have thrown hissy fits over the scheme as now their ticket is slightly not as good value for money as it was when they bought it.

Many Blues who proffer to have bought their Season Ticket out of a love of the club have expressed anger that the The City Fans United board are now looking to recruit fans without also giving their existing fans a treat.

"It's like when you buy your daughter a present for her birthday and then your son gets all stroppy and you have to buy him an ice lolly to pacify him," commented Harry Mac stalwart and father-of-two Tom Helterskelter.

"Except for, y' know, the fact that in this case the participants aren't all four-year-olds who don't know any better."

The five pounds that non-Season Ticket Holders will save was initially offered to Season Ticket Holders as a discount from the club shop off any purchases of £30 or more.

"It's not good enough!" raged one Deva Chatter.  "I know I said that I bought the season pass because I love the club, but the truth is, I'm  a bit tight.  The fact that I'm technically now paying 24p more per game is unacceptable, yeah?  I've now gotta pay thirty quid to get my fiver back - what am I supposed to buy?  A shirt?!"

Having listened to this hysteria, The City Fans United board issued a statement which read;

"Fine!  Have some money off next year's season ticket then, but this is only because we love you."

By this point, The Disgruntled Season Ticket Collective were in full flow, picketing the Exacta Stadium.

"An Early Bird discount?!" roared one protester.  "I want my reward NOW!!!"

The board, pushed to the wall, published a further public statement reading;

"Look, we're sorry for all this.  We thought that existing fans would back the move to attract new fans to Chester FC.  We proceeded on the basis that any grown adult would understand that, sometimes, established customers are given benefits and, sometimes, potential customers need inducements.  We made a misjudgment on that, and issue an unreserved apology to all involved."

Meanwhile, a whole group of other fans have criticised the move to celebrate twenty years at the Deva on principle alone.

"I don't want to celebrate being at The Deva because The Deva's not as good as Sealand Road used to be," nodded one tiresome oldie.  "There's nothing potentially infectious falling all around you at the Deva.  Sealand Road, you always had that risk of getting rust in your eye, which just added to the atmosphere."

In other news, Ben Mills has signed for Chester.  Mills shot to fame on the third series of X Factor and will add to Neil Young's strikeforce, bringing pace and flair to the table along with his piano.

No comments:

Post a Comment