Tuesday, 23 October 2012
Chester FC Ladies 4-3 Manor House Ladies - Match Notice
Chester FC's girls picked up their first win of the season on Sunday, in an exciting dismantling of Manor House Ladies, a team name which sounds rather like a Saturday afternoon book club round Elizabeth Bennet's gaff.
The game got off to a confusing start as men's manager Neil Young took up his usual place in the dugout, taking several minutes to notice that something wasn't right.
"I sat down in my traditional spot on the bench, and noticed a gorgeous blonde wearing tights," explained Neil Young. "I just assumed it was Gary Powell, and went about my business as normal, to be honest."
Young realised his mistake soon after, when Chester's Charlotte Marsh rounded the Manor House 'keeper and finished coolly to give the Blues the lead.
"I'd seen us trying to convert chances midweek, and I thought there was something suspicious about the competence of the finish," admitted Young. "Then it dawned on me what was going on."
"On the plus side, following that show of skill, Marshy's gone straight into the squad to face Histon on Saturday, and may well replace Jarmo if he doesn't get his act together."
Sue Fennell lashed home Chester's second, wheeling away to celebrate with the club record crowd of 6067.
"The ladies have been getting far better crowds than the men all season," nodded CFU media baron Jaffa Cakes. "We just don't let on as it might damage the boys' egos."
Becky O'Brien nodded in Chester's third, before Manor House struck back just before half-time.
Attempts to then introduce winger Robbie Booth at the break were thwarted.
"I wanted to try and get Rob some pitch-time," commented Young. "I asked the coach, Will Rowlands, and he was happy to give it a go. But then the ref told us that there's something in the rules about players not being allowed to have a Y chromosone. Jobsworth."
As it turned out, the Blue Ladies (aka. The Smurfettes) swiftly added to their lead anyway, Fennell slotting home her second of the game, finally silencing those on the terraces clamouring for the return of early season star Barbara Mills.
Two late goals for Manor House were not enough to constitute a comeback, and the Blues ran out winners, much to the delight of coach Rowlands.
"I await my full time contract," stated the CFCL manager, earnestly.
This particular match report, however, has frustrated its author.
"It would have been nice to do a joke where the nickname of the women's team was the female equivalent of The Seals," sulked the Jestrian. "But it turns out that a female Seal is called a Cow. And I'm not sure that calling them The Cows would have been too popular."