Chester midfielder Michael Powell last night continued his struggle against not being Bradley Barnes, during Chester's 2-0 victory away to Ashton. Despite being part of a professional performance in which Chester produced a solid win in spite of awful weather, Powell was unable to match the expectations of certain parts of the crowd that he be Bradley Barnes.
Powell, who a bit looks like actor Michael Sheen, (who, ironically, would probably have a good shot at being Bradley Barnes) has produced a string of solid performances this season, but has still fallen short of being Bradley Barnes.
The midfielder has found a kindred spirit in Liam Brownhill, whose quality performances at right back have been similarly overshadowed by his not being Michael Aspin.
"I hate change, I hate change, I hate change, why does it have to change?!" raved one Main Stand regular
Powell was subjected to criticism from certain sections of last night's travelling fans, with shouts of "Bring Back Bradley!", "I preferred last season!" and "Your name isn't alliterative!" heard around the ground.
"It infuriates loyal fans like me that Powell is allowed to continue playing in the side when he is not Bradley Barnes" said Kyle Garrett of Blacon.
"I'm taking it as a personal insult to me and my mother that Powell keeps getting picked despite making no effort to be Bradley Barnes. We love Bradley. He scored some vital goals last season. What's Powell done?"
Powell, signed from Southport in March, scored a goal in each of the final four games of last season during Chester's incredibly tense title run-in, at the end of which they eventually won the league on goals difference.
100% made up nonsense
2% more reliable a news source than Deva Chat
Thursday, 8 September 2011
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
Jamie Rainford's Facebook account to come under constant surveillance
It emerged today that Jamie Rainford's Facebook account will be under minute-to-minute surveillance following tonight's game away at Ashton. Win or lose, fans will be logging on as part of an organised vigil in which they will seek to further villify the club's record signing.
Rainford, who admittedly doesn't help himself by using the self-assigned nickname "Ronaldo", has in excess of 2400 "friends" on Facebook, meaning his status updates are witnessed by more people than have typically shown up at the Exacta on matchdays this season. He has angered nosier Chester fans this season by having a social life even when Chester lose, and by expressing his disappointment at having failed to make the impact he would have liked to early in his Chester career.
"It is important that as fans, we can criticise players for anything imaginable, and if that means having to hunt for statuses on Facebook because there's not enough going on on the pitch, then so be it" said 34 year old Harry Griffin who has added nine Chester first teamers to his Facebook friend list, including 16 year old Joe Ormrod, which is a bit creepy really.
"When we paid money for Rainford, he sacrificed basic human rights like the right to be frustrated and the right to post vaguely inadvisable things on social networking sites" said another fan.
"That's why tonight we'll be checking every photo he comments on, every person he pokes and every status update he writes for excuses to cause a massive fuss. The players last season didn't do this kind of thing, you know. At least, I don't think they did. Maybe they just didn't as readily allow people like me to invade their privacy? Come to think of it, why am I adding these people like they're my friends? Excuse me, I'm off to reassess my life."
Rainford, who admittedly doesn't help himself by using the self-assigned nickname "Ronaldo", has in excess of 2400 "friends" on Facebook, meaning his status updates are witnessed by more people than have typically shown up at the Exacta on matchdays this season. He has angered nosier Chester fans this season by having a social life even when Chester lose, and by expressing his disappointment at having failed to make the impact he would have liked to early in his Chester career.
"It is important that as fans, we can criticise players for anything imaginable, and if that means having to hunt for statuses on Facebook because there's not enough going on on the pitch, then so be it" said 34 year old Harry Griffin who has added nine Chester first teamers to his Facebook friend list, including 16 year old Joe Ormrod, which is a bit creepy really.
"When we paid money for Rainford, he sacrificed basic human rights like the right to be frustrated and the right to post vaguely inadvisable things on social networking sites" said another fan.
"That's why tonight we'll be checking every photo he comments on, every person he pokes and every status update he writes for excuses to cause a massive fuss. The players last season didn't do this kind of thing, you know. At least, I don't think they did. Maybe they just didn't as readily allow people like me to invade their privacy? Come to think of it, why am I adding these people like they're my friends? Excuse me, I'm off to reassess my life."
Monday, 5 September 2011
Bradley Barnes cameo overshadows victory
The Blues produced a classy performance on Saturday to sweep aside North Ferriby United, most famously known for being the club with whom Dean Windass began his career. However, most of the Chester faithful were more pleased with the appearance of Bradley Barnes than the crushing 6-0 win.
Starting the game on the bench, Barnes was greeted with enthusiastic celebrations from all sides of the Exacta as he warmed up on the touchline, and a couple of B Block regulars were spotted wiping tears of joy from their face using specially made Bradley Barnes novelty handkerchiefs.
As Barnes returned to the bench, the crowd fell silent, despite the goals raining in. As a tactical move, Gary Jones ordered the former Bolton trainee to get the atmosphere going again and Barnes obliged by whipping the fans into a frenzy with some impressive stretching and light jogging. The Harry Mac were quick to join in this time, chanting "Barnes will tear you apart again" despite the fact that Bradley Barnes is a ball winning and goal-scoring centre midfielder, not generally prone to tearing sides apart. This was followed up by a rendition of "Jerome Wright has a tremendous aerial presence".
The team were roundly booed upon leaving the pitch at half time despite being two goals up, clearly disgusted that Michael Powell was having a good game whilst "Bradders" was still warming the bench.
Mid second half, the crowd got what they wished for when Horan departed the pitch and Barnes joyfully bounded onto the Exacta turf with a point to prove.
"Barnesy's arrival was the best moment of the season so far, and quite possibly the best moment since my wife gave birth to our second child" said Harry Mac regular and father of three Tom McDermott
Things reached fever pitch as Barnes got himself on the scoresheet. He connected with a low cross to power the ball past the hapless goalkeeper and the crowd erupted with cheers that woke a sleeping baby in Warrington. Barnes lapped up the applause before breakdancing to his own beatboxed rhythm in front of Neil Young, whilst most of the East Stand joined in. Meanwhile, Devachatter "thebarnesultimatum" attempted to commandeer Rob Clegg's PA microphone to perform a twelve minute rap that he had written all about how badly he believes Barnes has been treated, but was thwarted by a steward who always preferred Tom Field. Amongst the pandemonium, Neil Young composed an internet advertisement on a smart phone behind his back with one hand, making Barnes available for loan.
Starting the game on the bench, Barnes was greeted with enthusiastic celebrations from all sides of the Exacta as he warmed up on the touchline, and a couple of B Block regulars were spotted wiping tears of joy from their face using specially made Bradley Barnes novelty handkerchiefs.
As Barnes returned to the bench, the crowd fell silent, despite the goals raining in. As a tactical move, Gary Jones ordered the former Bolton trainee to get the atmosphere going again and Barnes obliged by whipping the fans into a frenzy with some impressive stretching and light jogging. The Harry Mac were quick to join in this time, chanting "Barnes will tear you apart again" despite the fact that Bradley Barnes is a ball winning and goal-scoring centre midfielder, not generally prone to tearing sides apart. This was followed up by a rendition of "Jerome Wright has a tremendous aerial presence".
The team were roundly booed upon leaving the pitch at half time despite being two goals up, clearly disgusted that Michael Powell was having a good game whilst "Bradders" was still warming the bench.
Mid second half, the crowd got what they wished for when Horan departed the pitch and Barnes joyfully bounded onto the Exacta turf with a point to prove.
"Barnesy's arrival was the best moment of the season so far, and quite possibly the best moment since my wife gave birth to our second child" said Harry Mac regular and father of three Tom McDermott
Things reached fever pitch as Barnes got himself on the scoresheet. He connected with a low cross to power the ball past the hapless goalkeeper and the crowd erupted with cheers that woke a sleeping baby in Warrington. Barnes lapped up the applause before breakdancing to his own beatboxed rhythm in front of Neil Young, whilst most of the East Stand joined in. Meanwhile, Devachatter "thebarnesultimatum" attempted to commandeer Rob Clegg's PA microphone to perform a twelve minute rap that he had written all about how badly he believes Barnes has been treated, but was thwarted by a steward who always preferred Tom Field. Amongst the pandemonium, Neil Young composed an internet advertisement on a smart phone behind his back with one hand, making Barnes available for loan.
Friday, 2 September 2011
Chester await visit of North Ferriby
Chester enter tomorrow's home game against North Ferriby United with some uncertainty. Following rumours that Chris Simm and Iain Howard ended up on the bench due to showing up late against Nantwich, manager Neil Young has confessed that he will "have to see who turns up" before he selects his starting eleven for the Ferriby clash.
"It's a tricky time of year" said the manager
"It's the last week of the school holidays, and some of the guys might be wanting to spend time with the kids before they go back, or use the chance to buy stationery supplies and stuff like that. We're hoping that Greg Stones turns up at least, as he can play in any position on the pitch."
Stones, who recently won an award as The Most Unnecessarily and Unfairly Criticised Football Player of the Past Decade, has already slotted in at right back, centre back, left back and centre midfield this season, always putting in a good, reliable shift which has earnt him an avalanche of inexplicable abuse on Chester message boards from people with a loose grasp of the game of football and an even looser grasp of the English language.
"I'm happy to play wherever the gaffer asks me to" said Stones
"I'll even take a shift in nets if Danby can't make it, though apparently George Horan sort of knows someone from work who plays in goal a bit, so we might be alright."
Iain Howard was initially thought to be in trouble for turning up late at Nantwich, having been totally plastered. This miscommunication was later cleared up when it emerged that he turned up late, having been delayed during a plastering job, which sounds comically similar.
"It's a tricky time of year" said the manager
"It's the last week of the school holidays, and some of the guys might be wanting to spend time with the kids before they go back, or use the chance to buy stationery supplies and stuff like that. We're hoping that Greg Stones turns up at least, as he can play in any position on the pitch."
Stones, who recently won an award as The Most Unnecessarily and Unfairly Criticised Football Player of the Past Decade, has already slotted in at right back, centre back, left back and centre midfield this season, always putting in a good, reliable shift which has earnt him an avalanche of inexplicable abuse on Chester message boards from people with a loose grasp of the game of football and an even looser grasp of the English language.
"I'm happy to play wherever the gaffer asks me to" said Stones
"I'll even take a shift in nets if Danby can't make it, though apparently George Horan sort of knows someone from work who plays in goal a bit, so we might be alright."
Iain Howard was initially thought to be in trouble for turning up late at Nantwich, having been totally plastered. This miscommunication was later cleared up when it emerged that he turned up late, having been delayed during a plastering job, which sounds comically similar.
Thursday, 1 September 2011
COYB officially "lame"
Scientists at The Royal Institute for Acronyms and Abbreviations last night confirmed that using the abbreviation COYB in place of the phrase "Come on you Blues" is lame. Experiments confirming that it is also tedious were completed this morning.
Dr Bill Puhlumb, the lead scientist in the experimentations stated "Ironically, it's people with too much time on their hands who find it necessary to abbreviate the already short phrase and plaster it on their Facebook page. This whole thing came about when I realised that people had enough time to write a status about their football team on Facebook, but apparently not enough time to write their sentiments out in full. These sorts anomalies spark experiments, and this seemed one worth looking into."
The experiment turned back the results that the abbreviation COYB is "significantly lame" and that people who deploy it are just 5% less tedious than the kind of person who brings their newborn baby to work.
Kevin Jones, ardent Chester fan and regular user of the COYB abbreviation expressed his disappointment at the findings; "I'd never realised it, but with this report, it has clearly been scientifically proven that I am a complete dullard".
Meanwhile, COYB-sceptic and West Stand regular Liam Kelly was delighted by the report, saying "This just confirms what many of us have been saying for so long. It's not funny, it's not clever and it embarrasses us real Chester fans, who are proud enough of our club to say the full words. I'm pretty sure COYB is something Everton fans use, actually, and we don't want to be like them do we? Imagine having hoards of fans turning up to games pretending that they saw Dixie Dean play in his heyday. It'd be a nightmare."
Also as a result of these experiments, it has been confirmed that the abbreviation commonly used by Liverpool fans, YNWA (You'll Never Walk Alone), is similarly tiresome.
"The fact that YNWA is an anagram of YAWN is not a coincidence" stated Dr Puhlumb.
Dr Bill Puhlumb, the lead scientist in the experimentations stated "Ironically, it's people with too much time on their hands who find it necessary to abbreviate the already short phrase and plaster it on their Facebook page. This whole thing came about when I realised that people had enough time to write a status about their football team on Facebook, but apparently not enough time to write their sentiments out in full. These sorts anomalies spark experiments, and this seemed one worth looking into."
The experiment turned back the results that the abbreviation COYB is "significantly lame" and that people who deploy it are just 5% less tedious than the kind of person who brings their newborn baby to work.
Kevin Jones, ardent Chester fan and regular user of the COYB abbreviation expressed his disappointment at the findings; "I'd never realised it, but with this report, it has clearly been scientifically proven that I am a complete dullard".
Meanwhile, COYB-sceptic and West Stand regular Liam Kelly was delighted by the report, saying "This just confirms what many of us have been saying for so long. It's not funny, it's not clever and it embarrasses us real Chester fans, who are proud enough of our club to say the full words. I'm pretty sure COYB is something Everton fans use, actually, and we don't want to be like them do we? Imagine having hoards of fans turning up to games pretending that they saw Dixie Dean play in his heyday. It'd be a nightmare."
Also as a result of these experiments, it has been confirmed that the abbreviation commonly used by Liverpool fans, YNWA (You'll Never Walk Alone), is similarly tiresome.
"The fact that YNWA is an anagram of YAWN is not a coincidence" stated Dr Puhlumb.
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