Chester returned to winning ways, and continued their march towards Wembley by overcoming Stafford 2-0 in the FA Trophy on Saturday.
In a game where the Stafford fans actually brought a dog with them, to try and make it look a real Sunday league affair, left winger Luke Holden also made his debut, as Neil Young strengthened the one position that didn't need it.
In the wake of controversial comments made by out of favour striker Jamie Rainford and his associates on social networking sites, Chronicle journalist Raul Meal-Socks tweeted that Young had joked before the game that the match had been sponsored by Facebook, thereby stealing our punchline. A journalist for the Jestrian was ejected from the ground shortly afterwards for attempting to take revenge on the Blues manager.
"We apprehended the culprit trying to break into the changing room in order to deliver the teamtalk before Neil got there," explained head steward Timmy Perks.
Once the match, sponsored by Facebook, started, Chester continued their recent habit of hilariously missing easy chances. Jerome Wright was the main culprit this time, choosing the moment that he was presented with an open goal as the perfect time to publically air a well-chiselled comedy trip. At the end of a frustrating first half, Chester won themselves a penalty, and Matty McGinn converted coolly his first spot-kick since his permanent signing, having scored four during his loan spell at the club.
"To be honest, the penalty situation has been upsetting. We were getting loads when I was on loan, so I signed up. Since then, nothing. It's sort of like going out with a girl who you think is amazing, so you marry her and then it turns out she doesn't win loads of penalties after all," said Matty McGinn, giving up on his similie half-way through it.
And Chester doubled their lead at the start of the second half, Robbie Booth scored from a rebounded Jerome Wright effort. It was chance that would have been harder to miss than score, but that is no guarantee of anything just at the moment.
With the game apparently safe, Chester set about picking up some bookings, in order to let the ref do some colouring in his notebook. With Michael Taylor already booked, Michael Powell was feeling rather left out and grabbed his traditional tame yellow, Christian Smith was booked for refusing to remove his shades and Matty McGinn was booked for trying to explain his aforementioned failed similie to the referee.
The game ended 2-0, but manager Young found himself having to field more questions about Facebook.
"I don't know what goes on on these sites. I cancelled my account when I got a bit too into playing Bejewelled Blitz," confessed the boss.
100% made up nonsense
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Monday, 7 November 2011
Friday, 4 November 2011
Chester FC vs Stafford Rangers - Match Preview
Chester take a break from league action tomorrow, when they take on Stafford Rangers in the FA Trophy. The Blues secured a 3-0 win at Marsden Road earlier in the season but after failing to win in the previous two matches, confidence is fragile.
Neil Young may shuffle his pack after the disappointing loss at Bradford on Wednesday where his strikers missed a hatful of chances. On the subject of chances, the popular opinion seems to be that striker Jamie Rainford is fast running out of them. Following the Bradford game, the genius took to Facebook to vent his frustration at being dropped from the team despite having scored a goal on Saturday, and declared himself to be "past caring". This incensed certain sections of Chester support so gravely that you'd be forgiven for thinking that caring is now the only criterion required to wear the blue and white shirt.
"I had a questioning technique when dealing with potential signings, but that's all changed since I read The Devachat this week," admitted Young.
"Now I’m gonna just say 'D'ya care? A lot?' and if the answer is yes then that's good enough for me.”
Rainford's behaviour has had a positive impact on Chris Simm who can now feasibly not score for the rest of the season, nipple twist Barry Hipkiss and sleep with a team mate's wife without the fans batting an eyelid, so long as he continues to not be Jamie Rainford.
In advance of tomorrow's match against Stafford, Neil Young was quizzed on whether changes would be made, with it being a cup encounter.
"Ahhh jeez, it's in the cup?" groaned the Mersey Rail supremo.
"Nobody mentioned that to me. I was gonna take it dead seriously and everything. Might give Timmy Judge a game now."
Neil Young may shuffle his pack after the disappointing loss at Bradford on Wednesday where his strikers missed a hatful of chances. On the subject of chances, the popular opinion seems to be that striker Jamie Rainford is fast running out of them. Following the Bradford game, the genius took to Facebook to vent his frustration at being dropped from the team despite having scored a goal on Saturday, and declared himself to be "past caring". This incensed certain sections of Chester support so gravely that you'd be forgiven for thinking that caring is now the only criterion required to wear the blue and white shirt.
"I had a questioning technique when dealing with potential signings, but that's all changed since I read The Devachat this week," admitted Young.
"Now I’m gonna just say 'D'ya care? A lot?' and if the answer is yes then that's good enough for me.”
Rainford's behaviour has had a positive impact on Chris Simm who can now feasibly not score for the rest of the season, nipple twist Barry Hipkiss and sleep with a team mate's wife without the fans batting an eyelid, so long as he continues to not be Jamie Rainford.
In advance of tomorrow's match against Stafford, Neil Young was quizzed on whether changes would be made, with it being a cup encounter.
"Ahhh jeez, it's in the cup?" groaned the Mersey Rail supremo.
"Nobody mentioned that to me. I was gonna take it dead seriously and everything. Might give Timmy Judge a game now."
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Bradford PA 2-1 Chester FC - Disaster Report
Chester crashed to defeat for the first time in 14 games last night, annoying all fans who expected the league to be a cake-walk.
As Chester descended on the Bradford Park Avenue's Horsfall Stadium, so named because it looks like a horse fell on it, it was clear that the evening would be a rancid affair. Neil Young had the luxury of being able to name the starting eleven that we'd all plump for, and the players repaid him by missing a string of chances that Geoffrey Boycott's mum probably could have put away with a stick of rhubarb in her pinny, or something.
With the score at 0-0, Chris Simm used his newly cast-free wrist to full effect, as he sarcastically applauded a refereeing decision, earning himself a good booking.
And when, to the dismay of Mrs Boycott, Robbie Booth smashed a sitter over the bar, Bradford PA grew tired of Chester's ineptitude and chose to score a goal, just to liven things up a bit. It was Richard Marshall who slipped the ball past John Danby, who having secured the club record for the most consecutive games without conceding, now appears to be experimenting with how many games he can go without keeping a clean sheet.
Having gone in 1-0 down, Chester started the second half well, Robbie Booth scoring a nice goal, and George Horan sporting a manly-looking bandage on his head.
Normal service was resumed moments later when Simm mis-hit a volley and as the strikers continued to misfire, Neil Young opted to change the front two with fifteen minutes to go, introducing Mike Wilde and Jamie Rainford. Increasingly-hard-to-defend Rainford, who has regularly been urged to take a leaf out of Simm's book, subsequently obliged by hitting a similarly limp volley wide of the post.
Loads happened in the last couple of minutes, but the upshot of it all is that Bradford PA scored another goal and Chester lost.
As the final whistle went on a 2-1 defeat, Young was left fuming over his side's missed chances;
"If I wanted strikers who were consistently wide of the mark, I'd have signed Daily Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn," said the manager.
As Chester descended on the Bradford Park Avenue's Horsfall Stadium, so named because it looks like a horse fell on it, it was clear that the evening would be a rancid affair. Neil Young had the luxury of being able to name the starting eleven that we'd all plump for, and the players repaid him by missing a string of chances that Geoffrey Boycott's mum probably could have put away with a stick of rhubarb in her pinny, or something.
With the score at 0-0, Chris Simm used his newly cast-free wrist to full effect, as he sarcastically applauded a refereeing decision, earning himself a good booking.
And when, to the dismay of Mrs Boycott, Robbie Booth smashed a sitter over the bar, Bradford PA grew tired of Chester's ineptitude and chose to score a goal, just to liven things up a bit. It was Richard Marshall who slipped the ball past John Danby, who having secured the club record for the most consecutive games without conceding, now appears to be experimenting with how many games he can go without keeping a clean sheet.
Having gone in 1-0 down, Chester started the second half well, Robbie Booth scoring a nice goal, and George Horan sporting a manly-looking bandage on his head.
Normal service was resumed moments later when Simm mis-hit a volley and as the strikers continued to misfire, Neil Young opted to change the front two with fifteen minutes to go, introducing Mike Wilde and Jamie Rainford. Increasingly-hard-to-defend Rainford, who has regularly been urged to take a leaf out of Simm's book, subsequently obliged by hitting a similarly limp volley wide of the post.
Loads happened in the last couple of minutes, but the upshot of it all is that Bradford PA scored another goal and Chester lost.
As the final whistle went on a 2-1 defeat, Young was left fuming over his side's missed chances;
"If I wanted strikers who were consistently wide of the mark, I'd have signed Daily Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn," said the manager.
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Bradford Park Avenue vs Chester FC - Match Preview
Chester make the trip to Bradford Park Avenue tonight knowing that victory will fire them to the top of the Evo Stik Premier league after Northwich were well beaten by quasi-homonyms Nantwich last night.
Manager Neil Young has options available to him as Michael Powell returns after his one match suspension, and the more reasonable, cultured CFC fans will admit that there was a lack of composure - and bookings - without the bouncy-haired poacher.
"I hate having to watch games. I ended up ordering Steps reunion tickets just to fulfil my weekly booking quota. Cost me a fortune, but Deeper Shade of Blue was a classic to be fair," confessed Powell.
The manager is under pressure to approach the encounter differently to Saturday's game, when the Blues had a lot of possession without any real penetration. When asked what Chester's tactical approach would be against Bradford PA, Young merely replied "We gonna give 'em a right doin'."
The Blues Head Honcho also has the dilemma of whether or not to recall Chris Simm to the starting line up, after the striker has had the plaster cast removed from his wrist.
"It was a relief to get rid of the cast," admitted Simm.
"It looked beaut when I came on on Saturday, with it coloured in pink, but then it dawned on me how ridiculous it was going to look in everyday life."
Simm's return would most likely necessitate Jamie Rainford being removed from the starting line up and this may be considered harsh on the former Marine who ended his dry spell with a well taken goal on Saturday.
"Rainy is raring to go but Simmo is pestering me to start him too. Whichever one of them I drop, it's going to feel like booting a puppy in the nose," bemoaned Young.
When quizzed about the possibility of dropping Michael Wilde, Young glared sternly at his interrogators and swiftly changed the subject, asking reporters what they thought of the bail-out package offered to Greece by the EU.
Chester will be relieved to be heading away from the Exacta Stadium after some spooky goings-on at the ground over Halloween. Harry Lipgloss was alone in the offices on Monday evening when the old Chester City fax machine suddenly sparked into life, churning out a reply from Bury FC politely declining the club's approach for David Nugent. There have also been several sightings of a ghostly figure spontaneously appearing around the ground in dark places, although this is widely believed to be another Alex Brown attempt to "put the willies up everyone".
Meanwhile, Neil Young got into the Halloween spirit on Monday by taking youngster Joe Ormrod out for a spot of trick-or-treating. The little fella was dressed as a spooky zombie from Michael Jackson's Thriller video, and Ormrod was a ghoul.
Bradford PA lie in 6th place in the league and go into the game following an impressive win against Kidsgrove. That's all the information we have on them.
Manager Neil Young has options available to him as Michael Powell returns after his one match suspension, and the more reasonable, cultured CFC fans will admit that there was a lack of composure - and bookings - without the bouncy-haired poacher.
"I hate having to watch games. I ended up ordering Steps reunion tickets just to fulfil my weekly booking quota. Cost me a fortune, but Deeper Shade of Blue was a classic to be fair," confessed Powell.
The manager is under pressure to approach the encounter differently to Saturday's game, when the Blues had a lot of possession without any real penetration. When asked what Chester's tactical approach would be against Bradford PA, Young merely replied "We gonna give 'em a right doin'."
The Blues Head Honcho also has the dilemma of whether or not to recall Chris Simm to the starting line up, after the striker has had the plaster cast removed from his wrist.
"It was a relief to get rid of the cast," admitted Simm.
"It looked beaut when I came on on Saturday, with it coloured in pink, but then it dawned on me how ridiculous it was going to look in everyday life."
Simm's return would most likely necessitate Jamie Rainford being removed from the starting line up and this may be considered harsh on the former Marine who ended his dry spell with a well taken goal on Saturday.
"Rainy is raring to go but Simmo is pestering me to start him too. Whichever one of them I drop, it's going to feel like booting a puppy in the nose," bemoaned Young.
When quizzed about the possibility of dropping Michael Wilde, Young glared sternly at his interrogators and swiftly changed the subject, asking reporters what they thought of the bail-out package offered to Greece by the EU.
Chester will be relieved to be heading away from the Exacta Stadium after some spooky goings-on at the ground over Halloween. Harry Lipgloss was alone in the offices on Monday evening when the old Chester City fax machine suddenly sparked into life, churning out a reply from Bury FC politely declining the club's approach for David Nugent. There have also been several sightings of a ghostly figure spontaneously appearing around the ground in dark places, although this is widely believed to be another Alex Brown attempt to "put the willies up everyone".
Meanwhile, Neil Young got into the Halloween spirit on Monday by taking youngster Joe Ormrod out for a spot of trick-or-treating. The little fella was dressed as a spooky zombie from Michael Jackson's Thriller video, and Ormrod was a ghoul.
Bradford PA lie in 6th place in the league and go into the game following an impressive win against Kidsgrove. That's all the information we have on them.
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
A Judge on the bench
Goalkeeper Adam Judge has had so little to do this season, that this is probably the first time we've even uttered his name on the Jestrian.
And as John Danby's deputy offered us an interview, we'd actually forgotten his first name, calling him Timmy Judge for 20 minutes before a nearby club official thought to offer a correction.
"It's tough, not getting a chance in the first team. Some days, I'm waking up, looking in the mirror and saying 'you can do better than this, Timmy,’" said the shot-stopper, kindly sparing our blushes.
"At one point during the run of seven games without conceding, I thought I might never play football again. How does a goalkeeper fight his way into a team that's not conceding goals? Don't get me wrong, I tried to hire a hitman to wipe Danby out, but he gave up after finding it impossible to get past George Horan and Michael Taylor. Turns out that even if you've got a gun, George will grapple with you."
Neil Young attempted to offer some words of encouragement to the frustrated 'keeper.
"Who? Judds? Jush? Judge? Judge... oh grief, Judgy, yeah, he's still around isn't he? Blimey, I'd forgotten about him," said the Blues boss, turning to his assistant Gary Jones to check that Judge has still been turning up to training.
"Yeah, very much in our plans, is... erm... I want to say Timmy?" he continued.
Adam Judge spent a large portion of last season as Chester's number one, before being replaced at Radcliffe by bizarre one-off Josh Lennie.
And as John Danby's deputy offered us an interview, we'd actually forgotten his first name, calling him Timmy Judge for 20 minutes before a nearby club official thought to offer a correction.
"It's tough, not getting a chance in the first team. Some days, I'm waking up, looking in the mirror and saying 'you can do better than this, Timmy,’" said the shot-stopper, kindly sparing our blushes.
"At one point during the run of seven games without conceding, I thought I might never play football again. How does a goalkeeper fight his way into a team that's not conceding goals? Don't get me wrong, I tried to hire a hitman to wipe Danby out, but he gave up after finding it impossible to get past George Horan and Michael Taylor. Turns out that even if you've got a gun, George will grapple with you."
Neil Young attempted to offer some words of encouragement to the frustrated 'keeper.
"Who? Judds? Jush? Judge? Judge... oh grief, Judgy, yeah, he's still around isn't he? Blimey, I'd forgotten about him," said the Blues boss, turning to his assistant Gary Jones to check that Judge has still been turning up to training.
"Yeah, very much in our plans, is... erm... I want to say Timmy?" he continued.
Adam Judge spent a large portion of last season as Chester's number one, before being replaced at Radcliffe by bizarre one-off Josh Lennie.
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