All these great answers to all these great questions

In the light of the launch of Neville Southall's in-no-way-utterly-ludicrous website "ask Neville Southall", many Chester fans are seeking a similar service from their heroes.

It emerged yesterday that for his self-defined expert advice, Southall will be charging the more gullible and easily pleased members of society (aka. Everton fans) £50 per email and £99 for a one hour phonecall - an idea which certain CFC followers have described as "genius".

"I'd well pay £99 for a phonecall off Iain Howard," glowed East Stand regular Jane Earrings, overlooking the fact that for that price, she could probably get him to regrout the tiles on her kitchen floor.

Elsewhere, C Block chant-swerver Gary Blowtorch has pointed out the potential benefits to the club.

"It's all money in the coffers isn't it?  Even better, the club could get the players to provide the service voluntarily, then charge the fans for it.  You know, like they did with the Blue$ Player," he theorises.

Meanwhile, reports suggest that name-dropping CFU media stag Jaffa Cakes will be taking up the original Southall offer.

"Wait til Twitter hears about me getting an email off Nev!" exclaimed The Suited Director, which is, coincidentally, expected to be the name of the next batch of Spitting Feathers.

And it's not just the players getting involved.  Within hours of this article being published, it is expected that the Twitter hashtag #askthetallpeacock will begin trending, as Chester fans and all their friends bombard Chronicle journalist and, as of Saturday, confirmed part-time supporter, The Tall Peacock with completely inane questions about his personal life, the Chronicle building and who is the better journo out of the Hairy Porcupine and Sharks Prowling.