Campaign of violence begins against man who failed to attend FC United of Manchester clash

A Chester man has found himself subject to a campaign of harrassment and violence following his failure to attend Wednesday night's EvoStik Northern Premier tie between Chester and that sort of Manchester United club with the slightly rearranged name due to the fact that he was in work.

Amongst the protesters assembled on Bob Henry's front lawn was Andy North, who commented "It's a disgrace.  He calls himself a fan and then doesn't show up?  This'll show him." before launching a brick through a window.

Head of the Superior Fans of Chester Group, Kevin Timms stated "For too long, people have seen following a football club as escapism - something to be done for enjoyment.  This attitude must be stamped out.  Following your team should be about spending all the money you don't have on watching every game they play.  The less you enjoy it, the better a fan you are."

Confirming this line of thought, Harry Salt of Blacon stated "Some of us are such good fans, we pay our money and don't even watch the game.  We prefer to grimace at the away support and sometimes we manage to destroy the confidence of a teenage full back through ritual abuse, gaining our team a slight advantage.  And that's what it's about.  I miss most of the goals at the Harry Mac end to be honest."

Meanwhile, Scott Giffins from the Lache has been driven out of the country because he preferred to watch his favourite band play live in Sheffield.