Sense of Entitlement Derby Looms

The Exacta Stadium tonight plays host to Chester FC vs That United Spin Off in a game about which most of the UK will remain as ignorant about as they do the career of Jeff Brazier.  However, for those fans patting themselves on the back because they watch lower league football, in a move that has nothing to do with the fact it's cheaper and more convenient and everything to do with generally being better human beings than everyone else, tonight's game is "crunch time".

It's hard to find a Chester fan on the high street who isn't positive about tonight's game, but that's mostly because it's hard to find a Chester fan on the high street.  The mood in general amongst Chester fans appears to be one of complete panic and over-reaction.

Len Garrett of Hoole states "I've been a Chester fan since before I was born, but if we lose tonight, that's it for me.  The corruption and general misery of the last ten years was bearable, but making a stuttering start to the season at a level higher than the one at which we played last year is frankly unacceptable, and if Youngie isn't staring at himself in a mirror right now, I'm going to be very angry"

Meanwhile, when asked his opinion on the unfortunate late defeat, away to expected title challengers Hednesford, Tommy Haworth from Tarvin set himself on fire and jumped in a lake.

Chester officials have moved to quell the panic.

"Pretty much everything the fans are talking about is nonsense" commented the very suity Jiff Bricks.

FC United fans, meanwhile, are taking a different approach.  That is to say that some of them will not be approaching the ground at all, due to something about admission prices, or Jerome Wright, or the fact that they actually support Man Utd after all.  Due to talk of the boycott, the Norwich City Club Shop in the Chester city centre will not be opening, as their chance to sell a few scarves has disappeared.

Commenting on the proposed boycott, FC United fan Gerry O'Geraldine stated "It's not right that other teams in this division should have money.  We set this club up so that we could continue to watch a successful team without having to queue for tickets, but teams like Chester and Halifax have ruined it, what with their genuine reasons for setting up new clubs.  It's not right, and it's time that us United fans took the moral high ground on this".  His speech was so passionate, that by the end of the rant, his Eric Cantona shirt was drenched in sweat.

Early team news indicates that Chester's Liam Brownhill is in doubt, having been rendered confused by rumours he's left footed, even though he blatantly isn't.