McGinn retention dependant on Chester winning more penalties

Chester take on their second away game of the week when they travel to Worksop tomorrow, with the future of Matty McGinn still undecided.

The left back has made a fine impact so far, scoring so many penalties in his first four or five games that even Carling Opta threw their abacus against a wall, gave up trying to count and stormed out of the room to get pizza.

And the penalties are a big factor in the decision McGinn now has to make.

"I've enjoyed my time at Chester, but before I can commit, I'm going to need assurances from the manager that we're still going to get a penalty at least every other game.  Ladies love a goalscorer and my best chance of goals is from the spot, so this means either playing for Chester or Chorley 2010-2011.  I'm working on a time machine so that the latter is an option, but if Youngy keeps playing these penner-getting tactics, I could be convinced to stay at the Exacta."

Manager Neil Young responded by saying "No one player can dictate the tactics, but Matty has been an inspiration in his short stint so far, and the penalties are working for us so we're certainly taking his comments on board.  We'll be working in training at kicking the ball into a defender's hand like you can do on FIFA 2011 and the forwards will be learning how to use Derren Brown-style mind tricks in order to dupe centre backs into tripping them."

The full transcript of Young's interview can be found spread across twelve hardback volumes in Chester Library on Northgate Street and went on for so long that four reporters are nursing broken dictaphones.