Chester welcome Stafford Rangers to the Exacta Stadium tomorrow, hoping to further strengthen their position at the top of the table.
Due to the cold snap, a pitch inspection is rumoured to take place around 11am, and the club have reluctantly used the expensively purchased pitch covers.
“These things cost money, we don’t want to jeopardise the condition of the covers just to get a football match on. And anyway, do you know how long it takes to fold them up after? It's a nightmare,” ranted the normally cool CEO Pet Husky, trying not to sound like he’d rather see the game postponed so that he can keep up with the Rugby League season.
The weather has affected everyone recently, and the club shop has reported increased demand of Youngy Puffer Jackets. Spotting a marketing opportunity, The Blues Supremo is now expected to sport various other bits of cold weather clothing in an attempt to popularise them amongst fans. Long Neils are expected to go on sale in the shop soon, although an order of Gaz Powell Man Tights has been shelved in order to protect masculinity.
Evening Leader stalwart Tennis Ball caught up with manager Neil Young who let slip that “we must now win as many games as we can”. He also confirmed that no clubs win silverware in February, forgetting the imminent Carling Cup final which Liverpool will probably win, much to everyone's disappointment.
The Blues welcome back Michael Powell to the squad, a move which will ensure that the club's recent Fair Play award remains an isolated incident. Meanwhile, Wesley Baynes also returns, having served a suspension for attempting the festive decapitation of a Northwich player on Boxing Day.
With Jamie Rainford slinging his hook, only three strikers now remain at Chester and hopes are high that Chris Simm may begin to resemble a footballer again. With McNeil and Wilde expected to start up-front, assistant-to-the-manager Gary Jones has hinted that the game plan will mainly involve the full backs "blasting the ball into oblivion in the vain hope of finding the heads of the big boys up front”.
The Blues have faced Stafford, who are managed by Greg Clowes, on two occasions already this season, triumphing over the Marsden Road outfit both times. Perversely, this has prompted an air of confidence from the Stafford camp, with Clowes declaring that “it will be like taking candy from a baby” (although that is harder than it sounds), and “they’re not that good really”. Meanwhile, Blues chief Young commented that Stafford are a team that “get in your faces”. This seemed like an innocuous footballing cliché, but Young wasn't finished.
"No, seriously, they stand too close when they're talking to you. It's really annoying. Youngy needs his personal space, man. Sometimes you even get spit in your eyes."
With Young visibly upset by the topic, his press conference concluded.
100% made up nonsense
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