Commission Impossible

Getting into the Boxing Day clash between Chester and Northwich at Victoria Stadium looks certain to be an utter fiasco thanks to a hastily arranged posturing contest between board members.

CFC refused to sell tickets for the clash to their fans after Northwich rejected their request for 6% commission.

"It's disgusting that Northwich expect our staff to work for them for free," mused Chester's volunteer co-ordinator Carol Bennett.

Meanwhile, CFU rent-a-quote River Banks was in less-than-high spirits.

"There's no backing down on this one," growled Banks

"No-one will treat our club like this.  We deserve respect these days.  In the past, it was all about money, but now it's about fans and the community.  That's why, unless we get our 6%, we'll make it as awkward as possible for our own fans to attend."

Banks was later admitted to The Countess of Chester, requiring a nose-reattachment following a heated argument with his own face.

Meanwhile, Northwich Victoria's board stated their refusal of Chester's request of 6% was based on the fact that this rate of commission is "as far as we are aware unprecedented at this level."

This sounds a convincing statement, until you realise that "The Encyclopaedia of things which the Northwich Vics Board are unaware of" spans 63 volumes and when we tried to download the PDF version, the file was so large it broke our nineties laptop.

The not-at-all stupid compromise that Northwich, hilariously docked three points in the week for signing Tom Field, have come up with is that Chester fans can now buy tickets on the day, then trot over to the turnstile, making the whole process twice as long as it needs to be and rather destroying the point of making it all-ticket to begin with.

With this in mind, kick off is expected to be delayed until New Year's Eve, and a potentially great day out for all concerned will now probably end up being a greater logistical nightmare than making Christmas Dinner the day before.