Programmed to Disappoint

Marine's decision to only print 320 programmes ahead of Chester's away trip to Rossett Park on Saturday has led to calls for a boycott from certain sections of the Blues support.

The Crosby-based side has announced an apparently overly-frugal intention to only print a limited number of programmes, despite the fact that they received a tidy sum for Halifax's Jamie Rainford in pre-season.

"Basically, we've decided that if an opposing team does something we're not happy with, we're not going to go," said Carlos Pick-a-Battle, who is already planning to boycott the Northwich clash.

"Until they cave and print 500 programmes, I won't be attending."

Scientists at the Royal Institute of Defining What a Boycott Is in Hampshire have admitted that it's hard to draw a distinction between people who boycott and people who just plain can't be bothered turning up.

"It seems likely that people who didn't want to spend their money on going to Northwich are glad of the excuse not to attend.  Given that you could phone and book tickets, it wasn't exactly made difficult for Blues fans, so it's actually a clever bit of spin from those who don't want to go, but still want to be considered a good fan," commented Dr Gerald Scaffolding.

Meanwhile, hardened boycotter Lenny Hurrah from Newton has found ways of using the power of the boycott to his advantage in other areas of his life;

"It started with the boycott to get rid of Terry Smith.  It was such a rush.  I boycotted the first game of the new club at Warrington 'cos The CFU Members didn't get to vote on the design of the badge.  I boycotted the home game against Radcliffe last season, 'cos I'd had a bad pie the game before.  Before you know it, I'm boycotting everything!

"My wife made Goulash for dinner one night, so I boycotted the snot out of that meal.  Taught her a lesson.  Boycotted my son's Nativity Play last year 'cos he only got the part of a shepherd.  He cried when I didn't go, but you gotta play hardball with these people.  I even boycotted a court appearance because I considered the charges to be bogus.  Turns out they can punish you for that though.  Those cells are rough, man."

Former England cricketer Geoffrey Boycott was unavailable for comment.