Tuesday, 10 June 2014

What a reprief!

Chester FC made it four promotions in four years with victory in the AGM trophy today. 

Having been relegated little over a month ago, Steve Burr's men bounced back with an exemplary show of patience to down Hereford United and sneak back into the Football Conference at the first attempt.

"It took a bit longer than we'd hoped, but we got there in the end," commented a relieved Burr, who had spent a number of days complaining that the delay in the result was causing him problems in his preparations for next season.

"Well, I mean, how can you build a team without knowing what league you're going to be in?," explained Burr.  "No other Chester FC manager  has ever had to do that. You know, except for the only other manager we've had. He did it unflinchingly. But other than that..."

Hereford's decline owes much to their high risk tactic of saying they were gonna pay for stuff then not paying for it.  Given this flagrant breaking of the rules, the only just outcome was for Chester to retain the place that they unfairly lost on an exciting last day of the Conference season.

However, citizens of the the Mensa capital of Britain (otherwise known as English Wrexham) have taken umbridge at Chester's reprieve, stating that other teams who weren't the victims of cheating should get the Bulls' place instead.

"Promote the two losing play off finalists from North and South!" yelped one goaty genius.

"Let's make it a 25 team league next year just to avoid reprieving an unfairly relegated team who played within the rules!"

"No, Let's have a play off between whoever is still signed on at Guiseley and Ebbsfleet by dragging them off the beach in Magaluf," chimed in another.

"Let's then allow the loser of that to be promoted if Salisbury go bust!" continued the proud Welshman, all the time talking in his first and only language of English.

"Then, if someone else goes bust, we'll promote the winners of the fair play league.  Or whoever can pull the saddest face, because they really deserve it.  Or the club with the biggest floodlights.  Or the team with the most dead supporters for Wrexham fans to make banners about."

Meanwhile, some Chester fans attempted to commiserate with Hereford fans, talking of the 'heartbreak' inherent in being a football fan when the shell of a company through which your team's taxes are paid goes bust.

"I wept when Chester City filed for bankruptcy," confessed C Block regular Dimmy Limabean.

"I didn't cry when my grandad died though.  Which is weird, because he didn't even reform days later as almost exactly the same entity, refusing to pay the debts of his previous incarnation."

With the news finally confirmed, Burr can now go ahead and sign good players, rather than the collection of garbage he had intended to sign if Chester's relegation had stood.

The new season will start at some point in the future.

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