Friday, 1 August 2014

"Budge it, Danby!"

Blues manager Steve Burr has confirmed that Chester will likely get relegated next season and that when they do, it'll well be John Danby's fault.

Danby is currently in the second year of a two year contract, which pays him £1m per week, or something like that, probably.  With the popular goalkeeper unable to train during the day under the club's new full time structure, Burr is keen to remove him from the wage bill, and bring in someone less talented but more unemployed. 

"Obviously situations like this are going to arise," admitted chairman the Phony Gherkin. 

"We're full time now, which was a stupid move, but Steve insisted he wouldn't take a part-time job, because he's 'not a sixth former'."

"Obviously we wanted to keep hold of the Burrmeister, because that helps me achieve my vision of having a bald Celt in charge of Chester FC. So the only thing to do was completely overhaul the way the club is run."

Though some may suggest that the overheads involved in employing Burr full time and changing the club so that it operates on a full time basis may have negatively impacted the playing budget, the Blues boss insists this is not the case.

"Nope, all John Danby's fault," confirmed Not Neil Young.

"The full time thing was necessary for this club, cos I gots to get paid, son," he continued.

"The fact that we can now only attract the worst full time players, rather than the best part time ones... Well that's part of the price you've gotta pay so that I can tell my wife I've got a proper job."

The Danby saga is expected to rumble on into the season, before being superseded by complaints about pies from people who apparently can't be out of the house for two hours without succumbing to the overwhelming urge to eat filth.

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