Friday, 29 August 2014

Halls of Residence

The proposed signing of Freddy Hall by Chester FC has fallen through after it was announced that the goalkeeper had made outrageous demands regarding his accommodation, probably.

Reports from The Genius Farm (aka. Devachat) have suggested that the Bermudan shot-stopper, who has thus far represented the Blues for free, asked for a 12-bedroom mansion, called Freddy Hall, to be constructed for his usage on the outskirts of Saughall, in addition to a standard living wage.

"People are upset, because they think we've snotted the playing budget up the wall by signing former international footballers who are mates with the gaffer," said one fan.

"But no-one has taken into account the possibility that Freddy wanted a jacuzzi in his bedroom, funded by the club."

Hall's agent attempted to dispel these rumours, stating that the keeper would have stayed with a fan if the option was available. However, former Blues director Jiff Bricks moved to discredit the source in a Twitter conversation with journalist Jim Beam by euphemistically using the words "interesting character" then stating that "agents can be funny things..." and not finishing the sentence so that you can fill in the blanks as you please.

Other fans have been keen to point out the progress Chester FC has made since its reinception.

"You've gotta remember that, when Vaughan was here, we had players playing without being paid, and a club website which would churn out knee-jerk statements in response to Deva Chat topics, eulogising about how ace the chairman was," reminded C Blocker Hilary Breadbaskets.

"Look at how far we've come since then!"

With Hall out of the picture, Chester have instead signed Wales under 21 keeper Connor Roberts who, it has been reported, will live in a ditch.

"Freddy thought it beneath him to sleep in a grubby hole, but Connor's from Wrexham so he'll be used to it," confirmed manager Steve Burr.

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