With official programme The Cestrian out of publication, Banksy, the CFU PR Wrench, has submitted his blog to us instead.
17th May 2012
Well, what can I say? It's been another brilliant season, and we get a chance to congratulate those involved once again on Saturday. If it were up to me, everyone would get an award. We'd have Litter Picker of the Year and everything, but that's not going to happen, because as much as everyone bangs on about how valued these people are, there's not a single individual amongst us who has any interest in seeing them formally recognised.
Well, the awards dinner promises to be a great event, as I was saying to my mate Colin the other day. Colin Murray, that is. I've also had a text off Lionel Messi (I just know him as Lionel, to be honest) saying he's gutted he can't attend but that it's great to see Chester with a football club we can be proud of again. I'm hoping my new friend Hodgy - that's Roy to you - turns up. We met because I'm all the time on the phone to the FA. I'm quite important, you know.
Well, the TV companies have been on to me about Saturday night too. I've had BBC and ITV on the phone desperate to talk to me. Channel 5 called too, but it turned out that it was just a viewer survey. Pretty awkward, that. Quick enough though, as no-one watches Channel 5, so there weren't many questions. I think I got done by the Fonejacker once too, can I count that as Channel 4 having called? And E4? Look, the point is, you watch these channels and they phone me. How sweet is that?!
Well, what about planes, eh? They're pretty cool, aren't they? This is relevant to CFC, as CFC is also pretty cool, so the subjects are linked in that respect. Overall, if I had a choice between saving the Vulcan Bomber, and Michael Wilde making a full recovery from his injury, it'd be a tough call. One's a creaking old war machine that was superb in its prime, and the other is Michael Wilde. Boom! A non-joke. Double misdirection. You thought you knew where I was going, but I threw you a curveball. Banksy 1-0 You.
Well, there's lots of exciting things to look forward to next season. We're gonna be included on Sky Sports News scores updates. That's well sick. Do you think they'd call me? Ask me how it's going being a fan-owned club? Sky seem like the type who'd like to see a community-based model triumph over the horrible money-driven, corporate culture of most football clubs. It would make them feel better about having caused that very culture. We're also gonna be on the Football Manager game. I've not played it in years, but it gets more detailed every season. Does it have media officers at the clubs on it these days? Can't wait to take a screenshot of that badboy.
Well, I can't for Saturday - I'm looking forward to picking up my award for "Most Celebrity Friends". I'll see you all there, but I probably won't talk to you unless you've been on TV, sorry. I've got standards to keep. If you have a famous name, then we may be able to cut a deal whereby you can text me, so it looks like I know your namesake.