Monday, 14 May 2012

It's Awards Week!

The Big Awards Dinner (TM) takes place at the end of this week, and will undoubtedly be another occasion of mutual back-slapping between fans, the board, the management and the players.

The club has come an incredibly long way over the past two years, as evidenced by progressive debate at The Institute of Straw Men (aka The Devachats) last week.

"It's great that the club has moved on so far from the last regime that we can once again consider the alleged involvement of two board members in a pub fracas to be a 'non-event'," sobbed one of those fans that considered losing 3-2 at Ebbsfleet 'a momentous achievement' for the Chester FC.

The two individuals involved shall not be named here - one due to legal reasons, the other because we don't much like giving him the publicity, given that he wasn't even elected anyway.  However, uproar broke out at The Institute when the figure at the centre of the clash outed himself as having resolved a dispute with a landlord by utilising "a bit of peck" (paraphrase).

"He rotated his head 180 degrees to get involved," claimed one eye-witness.  "Unsavoury, I'll give you that, but technically very impressive."

"I can't believe he didn't respect his own privacy," grumbled another poster.  "The incident took place in a public house, what right have the public to question what went on?  He wasn't celebrating the title win in an 'official capacity' anyway.  Get over it."

"This is entirely different to that one time that Vaughan chinned someone at Morecambe, or when he dropped the editor from the Non-League Paper - he'd have needed at least 1,000 posts on The Deva Chats for that to be acceptable behaviour."

Whilst the director in question acknowledged himself that he'd been a bit naughty - also mentioning that he had reconciled with the landlord in question and explained himself to the board - some CFC fans decided that this wasn't neccessary, even though it very much was.

"He doesn't have to explain himself to anyone because he's done loads for the club," growled superfan Chris Deerskins.

This line of thought is now set to be formalised, with a sliding scale of public misdemeanours that will be allowed based on contribution to the cause.

Former carthorse target man Dave Cameron is set to leather an officer of the law (twice) should he receive sign-off that his last-gasp winner against Farnborough a few years back is enough to allow him this indiscretion, whilst never-even-seen goalkeeper John Gann may be permitted to steal stationery from his office job.

Meanwhile, Justin Walker will be seized by police if he so much as accidentally tries to underpay for a pint within the city walls, Daryl Clare can boot your mum in the shins and Darryn Stamp is allowed to throw tins of soup at stray dogs.

Having signed for both incarnations of Chester's football club, but having never played, Rob Marsh-Evans will be arrested upon entry to the City, whilst Nick Rogan's solitary goal last season allows him one fare-free taxi vomit.

On the other end of the scale from those blindly defending the indefensible lie those who gleefully brought up the incident three weeks after it happened, despite being the kind of people who claim to despise a "grass".  These people would appear to love it if the club failed in its current format, for reasons too inexplicable to satirise.

No comments:

Post a Comment