Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Holiday Blues

Saturday represents a chance for Chester's players to once again celebrate their title achievement by being harassed by fans who fancy themselves as mates with Christian Smith, because he gave them a retweet once. 

Last week, however, the squad had a chance to get away from such attention by taking a trip to Magaluf.

"It was nice to celebrate our win without some guy I've never met hanging around, calling me 'Wildey' and making me pose for pictures," admitted striker Michael Wilde.

Photos posted to Twitter by Antoni Sarcevic imply that the lads holiday mostly consisted of the CFC players standing round doing impressions of implausibly popular boyband The Wanted, but the reality was much different.

"Christian Smith was well up for partying when we left, but as soon as we landed he was missing Chris Simm, who'd had to stay at home," explained Ash Williams.

"He just stayed in his room, texting and tweeting to Simmo.  He's gonna regret that when he sees his bill.  Data roaming charges - heinous!"

"We tried to use the fact that we're footballers to get special treatment in various places," recounted George Horan.

"It didn't work cos no-one believed that Mike Taylor is a footballer. Looks more like middle management in an insurance firm, doesn't he? Or the guy who puts your Sky dish up, maybe."

John Danby was ejected from a hotel after ranting to staff that the bed linen was not up to standard.

"I know a thing or two about clean sheets," said Danby, before being forcefully removed by police for having broken an ancient Magaluf law that prohibits smug puns.

Adam Judge was due to attend, but arrived at the airport to discover that Neil Young had switched his ticket into the name of a journeyman football league goalkeeper.

"We had a cracking time with Steve Mildenhall though, to be fair," revealed Michael Powell, complimenting his quiff with some Top Gun sunnies.

Neil Young himself did not attend, as he refuses to go anywhere unless he can get there by train.

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