Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Christian Smith to have Spa Pool installed on pitch

Defender Christian Smith has made a swift impression amongst the Chester faithful, with a series of performances cooler than James Dean's corpse.  In between stylish tackles and breath-taking long balls, Smith has been caught taking a break to chat to fans on the touchline, sneaking a cheeky pint onto the pitch, asking the ref what the score is, playing Angry Birds on his iPhone whilst defending a corner and joining the second half at Burscough five minutes late with a big grin on his face, claiming to have "taken a wrong turn in the tunnel".

And now it appears that a Smith is about to trigger a clause in his contract which states should he complete ten games for the Blues, a hot tub will be installed in the centre back position before every game in which he participates so that he can chill out mid-game.

The left footer, who can also play in midfield, broke the news via Twitter, during the second half against Nantwich, whilst the ball was up the other end.

Some fans have moved to criticise the deal.  E Block regular Mark Thorne asked "Is this why the prices have gone up this season?  I'm a working man and I appear to be paying more and more to watch my team just so that they can blow my hard-earned on a posh bath!"

The City Fans United have released a statement in defence of the bizarre agreement which reads "It is important that our players feel comfortable at the club.  In years gone by, players have been treated poorly at Chester, and we are determined to ensure that now the fans own the club, the players know they are valued.  Christian feels he needs a Jacuzzi on the pitch to be at his best, and it's a small price to pay in our quest to make it back to the Football League.  People need to start thinking long term before they criticise."

Rumours that John Danby is to be allowed a director's chair next to his goal so that he can rest his legs during breaks in play are as yet unconfirmed.

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