Friday, 1 March 2013

Fans asked to donate shirts

Chester FC have sensationally announced today that they have run out of home shirts as Paul Linwood has bled on them all.

Linwood spent most of his time off the pitch on Wednesday, replacing shirt after bloodied shirt, and kit man Jimmy Soul has confirmed that there are now only nine left for the next home game.

"It's dire straits," admitted Soul. "We tried to patch Linny up, but every time he went up for a corner, the ref told him to get off the pitch. At first we thought he was getting a nosebleed being that far forward, but it turns out that that was the only time the ref could be bothered checking."

Linwood actually picked up the injury following a clash with former Blue Darryn Stamp, and later found himself in A&E where he went through eight gowns before he could be stitched up.

"It's a nightmare," fretted Linwood. "Went to work today, had to get Jimmy to bring me some spare ties. He reckons his job doesn't extend that far, but I got onto Youngy and he told Jimmy either he brings me my ties or he won't follow through on his promise to sack Gary Jones and make Soully assistant manager."

Fans are now being asked to donate their shirts to make up for the shortfall.

"We're especially looking for XXL shirts as you can fit three Danny Williamses into one of dem," explained CFU media translator Jaffa Cakes. "Fortunately we don't need any yellow ones, as none of you bought those numbers."

"I'd buy a yellow shirt," responded Deva Chat.

Chester enjoy a free weekend this weekend before a huge clash against Tranmere in the Cheshire (and Merseyside, apparently) Senior Cup.

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