Friday, 16 December 2011

Marine FC vs Chester FC - Match Acknowledgment

Chester return to Evo Stick action on Saturday as they make the short trip to Merseyside outfit Marine FC.

Marine have crept into play-off contention and currently lie in 6th place, suggestion that Kevin Lynch’s men will be a tough nut to crack for the hardest nut of them all, Neil Young.

Blues fans are expected the travel in their droves, news which has delighted Blues boss Young;

“Yeah I know they are coming to support us, but more importantly Merseyrail will make a right profit from this,” beamed the rail enthusiast.

“I’d like to take this opportunity to remind fans not to put their feet on the seats because we have cameras and you will be punished. I haven’t decided what the punishment will be yet but I’m aware Gary Jones’s house is in a bit of a state at the moment and he’s whispered about getting a cleaner on board so maybe it''ll be that. Or possibly compulsory attendance at our Cheshire Senior Cup games next season."

Chester are expected to have a near-full squad to choose from apart from long term absentee Ash Williams (remember him?) and suspended captain George Horan.

“It’s frustrating not being involved, but on the plus side this Christmas should be a belter now, I’ll definitely be having a few scoops,” cackled the skipper.

Marine will go into the game with confidence following an impressive sequence of results, and boast plenty of pace and creativity up front with former Barbados star Neil Harvey and the lively Aaron Rey. The Lilywhites can also call on ex-Chester triallist Carl Gargan to spearhead the attack.

“Ah, yeah I remember Gargsy...,” said Young, in a way that suggested he really didn’t remember him at all.

Recent studies have confirmed that the playing personnel on the day will be roughly 83% scouse, leading to fears that phrases such as “boss” could creep in. Officials have already warned that being a deemed a “wool” will result in an immediate dismissal.  Neil Young has tried to play down these fears by confirming that there has been a widespread crackdown on unnecessary scouseness at the club recently, leading to speculation that Jamie Rainford was actually shown the door after he passed comment on the number of “bizzies” at the FC United game.

In the interests of equality and diversity, travelling fans have been urged to show tolerance of their scouse hosts and Merseyside police have issued a warning to politely remind fans that waving £10 notes in a degrading manner will not be tolerated, and neither will lightly bouncing whilst saying “calm down, calm down,” in a way no Scouser ever actually has said it. Meanwhile, any mockery of Jimmy Corkhill or Ron Dixon could result in a caution.

Whilst the on-pitch battle will be fierce, there’s also off-the-field scores to be settled in the transport industry. Merseyrail supremo Neil Young is keen to prove that his company dominates Arriva, and what better place to prove it than the Arriva Stadium itself?

“I feel a bit dirty going to that place, but even though we didn’t think it was necessary to install toilets on our trains in this day in age, I’m still confident that we’re well better than that rabble. Me and the Garys have got a few chants lined up, and I’m asking fans to join in. When we sing “we hate Arriva too”, I want the fans to chime in with “they’re slow!”.

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