Thursday, 29 December 2011

They've all gone Christmas Crackers

Whilst Chester FC are sitting pretty atop the Evo Stik Northern Premier or whatever it's called, there are signs of unrest in the camp.  The management, board members and players have all been involved in some peculiar goings on over the Christmas break, Neil Young has revealed.

"It was horrible," whimpered a usually buoyant and unfazed Young as he recalled his Christmas Day.

"Pat Cluskey and Chris Pilsbury called me in.  Said it was urgent.  When I arrived, they tied me to a chair and dressed me as Santa.  Then Cluskey said 'we're giving you the sack' and they both ripped up laughing.

"I was bewildered enough, but then Jeff Banks burst in and said they couldn't sack me because there was a Claus in my contract.  They all fell about laughing again.  I didn't know what was going on.  In the end, they untied me and said 'see you tomorrow'.  I didn't know what to tell the missus when I got home.  In the end I told her the truth and she slapped me cos she didn't believe me.  I got no turkey and extra sprouts."

The Jestrian sought an explanation from Cluskey, who excused the board's actions, saying;

"Come on, those are two very solid puns."

Young has also had to deal with some antics from his players.

"I thought I'd sorted the board game problem in the camp by banning Pop-Up Pirate, but Liam Brownhill got a Lego "Shave a Sheep" game for Christmas and challenged Wes Baynes and some others to a game on Boxing Day morning.  It was all going well until Liam sent the Scary Wolf in the direction of Wes's sheep when it was fully loaded with wool.  Liam saw it as revenge for the Pop-Up Pirate incident earlier in the season, but Wes was so incensed that he wound up flying into a bone-shattering challenge towards the end of the Northwich clash that afternoon.

"The weirdest bit of the whole sorry affair was that the Lego Shave a Sheep thing is actually a real game you can buy with money."

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