Thursday, 8 December 2011

Sort it out, Young!

Following "Mis-Quoted Attendance-Gate" last Saturday, The City Fans United has launched an investigation into other areas of the club to ensure things are run smoothly, uncovering some alarming results.

The professional manner in which the club is run has won many plaudits this season, but after digging deeper, some cracks have begun to appear.

Due to an administrative error, rather than facing lower league Burscough on January 14th, Neil Young’s men will now take on a Zumba XI at the Exacta Stadium, whilst the entire Burscough squad has been booked in for a free session of the Latin-inspired, weight-loss dancing craze.

“It’s a little unfortunate but we have to treat the opposition with respect,” commented Blues boss Neil Young.

“I’ve had them watched and they’ve got a couple of big girls up front who can trouble defences at this level so I’m expecting a hard fought game. I think my missus is on the bench actually, and she’s got a cracking left foot on her.  Bosh!”

And further issues have been unearthed as it emerges that the refreshments stalls are desperately trying to rectify an order in time for the Zumba game.

“We’re not sure if we can change the order with it being so close to Christmas, but we accidentally ticked quiche instead of pies,” growled matchday co-ordinator Barry Hipkiss, pacing round the Exacta pitch last night.

“It raises all sort of logistical problems. How do we serve it? How much do we charge? Oh, and vegetarians confuse me too.  Do they like quiche?  Does anyone like quiche? I don’t know."

Meanwhile, police were called to the Exacta Stadium last night following reports that the Jestrian had broken into the ground.  Cheshire Constabulary found the culprit with his head in a very large barrel, scraping the bottom of it vigorously.

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