Thursday, 26 January 2012

Park and Whine

Following Jamie Rainford's half-decent return to first team action, Chester FC fans have settled on a New Thing to be unhappy about, declaring the car parking situation at the Exacta Stadium "even worse than Stephen Vaughan".

Many Blues fans remain stranded on the stadium car park following Saturday's defeat to Hednesford, with food packages being dropped in by passing Airbus jets.  "If only there was a Subway in the East Stand", mused Geraldine Witty, an East Stand season ticket holder who sits a couple of rows behind the bench in order to enjoy the management team's regular second half sing-song.

Scientists at the Royal Institute of Car Parking Dunce-Craft have proven the parking situation at the Exacta to be more stupid than a Zeppellin carrying a cargo of several 12-sided javelins, with just one entrance and no clearly defined spaces.

"I like to make the situation worse by having a go at people who have the gall to reverse their car into position, so as to make the getaway a little easier," said that one car park steward who always does that.

Another exit is located at the back-end of the car-park, but this is kept locked for absolutely no good reason whatsoever.  Council spokesman Adam Drone told The Jestrian: "It's not actually a road.  It might look like a road.  It might have markings on it, like a road would.  But no, it's not a road, so you can't use it."

The farce is set to spiral out of control when the Blues return for another home encounter this Saturday, with a club statement today confirming that local authorities will be patrolling the road outside the stadium, ticketing any cars parked on double yellow lines.

Supporters have expressed their displeasure at not being considered to be above the law, with online Blues fans who frequent the Twin Towers of Extraordinary Intelligence (Facebook and The Devachat) railing against these instructions.

"How can you just move the goalposts like that?" raged G Block regular Donald Wickerbasket.

"What happens to the people who don't hear this message?  They'll not know that it's illegal to park there, and they'll get ticketed.  Bit harsh when they've parked there thinking it's OK to park on double yellows.  The council are acting like it's well documented that you're not allowed to park in places where you're not allowed to park.  Like it's part of the driving test or something."

Wickerbasket is not the only enraged fan.

"The authorities should spend their time trying to catch proper criminals," said Gerald Skinhead, who is the kind of guy that thinks throwing a brick through the window of the Hednesford supporters bus is just "good banter".

Pleasingly, a solution may be imminent as the issue has caught the eye of Witton Albion chairman The Lark of Paris who has announced their intention to let Chester use the car-park at Wincham Park on matchday.

"Or you can just come watch Witton.  Not that we're trying to steal your fans.  Though we might be.  We're crazy."

Despite the problems, Chester are expecting their highest crowd of the season this Saturday, mostly because 3,000 Blues are still within 500yds of a turnstile.

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