Tuesday, 11 December 2012

It's really cold

Chester is currently very cold, and The Blues are doing all they can to beat the freeze.  Following the failure to co-ordinate the laying down of the infamous pitch covers yesterday, Chester FC officials have been resorting to novel techniques in their attempts to ensure that Saturday's game at home to Bishop's Stortford will go ahead.

"I was out there all morning with a pick-axe," confirmed Blues Bar manager Raving Larry.  "Got plenty of ice for the J2Os now, and I felt like one of them North Pole explorer types.  Dead exciting, it was."

Meanwhile, manager and hip-hop legend Neil Young has taken a more drastic approach, setting his suede loafers on fire, before putting them on and strutting around the Exacta pitch singing "Here come the hotstepper" by Ini Kamozi.

"The boss should always do whatever it takes to get the game on," grimaced a plainly uncomfortable Young, the charred remains of his socks clinging to his feet.

Meanwhile, behind the scenes, club CEO Pet Husky has been working on ensuring that the Blues don't lose revenue during the frosty months.

"We've already linked up with Cheshire Phoenix, and now we're thinking maybe we should extend that and welcome Flintshire Freeze into the family," explained the Husky.  "That way, if it's too cold to play football, we can stage an ice hockey match instead and everyone wins.  There's lots of fighting in ice hockey so we'll even have the Halifax fans back for that one, if they wish."

With slippery roads and treacherous pathways, Luke Denson has decided that the journey to work isn't going to be much fun for a while and has returned on loan to Colwyn Bay.

And Young has told Chronicle scribble-man The Tall Peacock that there may be more departures.

"Yeah, there's the 18:56 terminating at Lime Street, there's the 19:07 via Rock Ferry and... no, wait I don't do the trains anymore, why are you asking me about departures?", stropped Young, storming off.

If the game does go ahead on Saturday, fans will be invited to enter into a prize draw for the opportunity to playing curling on the pitch at half-time, using Gary Powell as the broom.

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