Monday, 3 December 2012

Chester FC 4-2 Worcester City - Match Close

Chester remain top of the table following a 4-2 victory which everyone apart from striker Nathan Jarman appeared to enjoy.

The Blues were 1-0 up inside 10 minutes, with Antoni Sarcevic tapping home a rebounded Wes Baynes free kick.

"I just about got to the ball in time," recounted Sarcevic.  "Didn't think I was going to get there, but fortunately Movember's over, so I was carrying a tiny bit less moustache weight and so I had the agility to get in and poke the ball home."

Baynes himself had a goal struck off moments later as the linesman decided that he didn't mean it.

"Deffo a cross, that," the assistant tweeted to the referee, who duly ruled it out.

With the score 1-0 at half-time, Worcester found their way back in, as John Danby successfully managed to get beaten by yet another screamer, cranking his tally up into double figures for the season.

"Sometimes you gotta make 'em look a bit flash by getting a stylish dive out for the cameras," explained Danby.  "This one was pretty good regardless, but I threw a dive into the mix anyway - proper dench."

Chester hit back with three goals in fifteen minutes, Craig Curran and Iain Howard netting headers before Matty McGinn dispatched a penalty much to the upset of Jarman, who thought that he should have been allowed to take it.

"My fault really," admitted manager Neil Young.  "I forgot to tell him that Matty is Chester's penalty taker.  Just figured everyone in football knew, given that "McGinn (pen)" sprang up on the scoresheet twice a week last season."

Jarman later took to Twitter to vent his frustration - an indiscretion labelled as a "one-off" by those who haven't read his Wikipedia entry.  Meanwhile, rumours circulated after the game that Jarman's displeasure was based in the fact that he is due a bonus for every goal scored - a practice which has somehow yet to be stamped out of professional football.

"Goal bonuses are as bad as match-fixing," said Dr Cherrypicker from The Royal Institute of Someone Please Stop This Madness in Vicars Cross.  "Paying someone a sum of money to alter how they play, possibly for the worse? 

"Picture this - last game of the season, Ben Mills is square, goal at his mercy.  An easy pass from Jarmo and Chester score and win the league.  But wait!  Jarmo needs a new Xbox controller!  He takes the shot himself, dreaming of the two player game of Forza Motorsport he's going to enjoy later.  Bang!  Hits the outside of the post and goes wide.  Suddenly, Chester go out in the play-offs, Young fails to keep the team together, a slide to mid-table follows, Young departs, fans stop coming, Chester drop back down into the Evo Stik and the next thing you know, we're all having to go to Prescot Cables.  And nobody needs that ever again."

Chester now look ahead to a monster clash with Brackley Town - a sentence which is a sobering reminder of the level at which we play these days.

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