Tuesday, 27 November 2012

CFU board may be geniuses, may be idiots

With Ben Mills finally signing for the Blues, the board of The City Fans United have pulled one of the odder moves in the history of the club by harking back to assurances made by fans that they would chip in to bring the Macclesfield striker to the club.

"Remember when you all said you'd pay a fiver to get him here?", read the press release on the website.  "Cough up."

"Also, buy Olly Murs's album and ignore McAfee - they're just jealous."

On the face of it, this is one of the biggest piles of nonsense to occur at the Exacta Stadium since someone said "yeah, the FLi website model is perfect for a fan-owned set up. We've had too much control over our club since the rebirth, we need to start giving it away again." 

Even if the squad-builder fund idea was a good one, which it probably isn't, retro-actively putting the plan into effect is about as logical as asking fans to now pay up for the free programmes that were handed out at last season's home game versus Marine.

"Ooh, there's an idea," pondered Chairman The Pilsbury Doughbeard, who seems to be currently doing the boardroom equivalent of playing for a contract.

Upon deeper inspection, the decision to call out big-mouthed Deva Chatters may be one of the most wonderful bits work that The City Fans United ever pull off.

"I was delighted when I saw we'd signed Millsy," said one fan.  "Then - the icing on the cake -  watching the club, with a perfect straight face, ask for the cash off those guys who had let their football-based anger spill over into rash promises.  Amazing."

The whole situation has wreaked havoc in the household of the poster known as Wallet Blue.

"I said I'd put in £200, but I was just trying to show the board up.  I haven't really got that kind of money.  Now they're calling in the debt," fretted WB.  "I've had to remortgage the house and the kids are going without presents this Christmas.  The missus is livid."

"To be fair, though, she's not seen Ben play."

For fans who refuse to cough up, CFU media mouth Jaffa Cakes has confirmed that debt collectors will be brought in.

"We'd have had them on the case already, but there was a bit of a mix-up when, instead of calling the bailiffs, we called former Chester City defender Dave Bayliss," confessed Cakes.  "He was a bit confused by our demands of him."

And  the precedent has now been set, with manager Neil Young today seen hanging around the Blues bar, trying to stop people buying pints, so that he could take their money himself.

"I need to sign Craig Curran - have a lime cordial instead!" Young shrieked at one punter, as he was dragged away by security.

Chester play Corby tomorrow, and the club have confirmed that if you like the look of any of their players, you can again bring them to the club by shooting your mouth off on the internet.

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