Monday, 26 November 2012

Histon FC 1-4 Chester FC - Match Putt

Chester took a trip back to the top of the Blue Square Bet North on Saturday by caning Histon 4-1 in their own backyard.

In adverse conditions, the Blues raced into a three goal lead within half an hour with strikers Tony Gray and Nathan Jarman sandwiching a George Horan header, causing Neil Young to send new signing Ben Mills off down the touchline to warm up whilst he made a call to Macclesfield manager Steve King.

"Can you take Ben back?", a panicked Young was overheard to ask.  "It turns out we're not struggling for goals after all, and Hypothetical Blue off of Deva Chat hasn't followed through on his pledge of a fiver towards the transfer fee, so we can't really afford him."

Chester then conceded a penalty as Craig Curran blocked the ball in the area whilst wearing a guilty expression which implied that he might once have gotten away with a handball three years ago.  Keen to redress the balance, the referee pointed to the spot, to the surprise of the players on the pitch who had assumed that the match official's apparently random toot of the whistle was an attempt to start a rave in the 18 yard box.

"I was busting some moves at the back stick, and suddenly the lino's coming over telling me to get out of the way 'cos someone's trying to take a penno," grumbled Antoni Sarcevic.

The resulting penalty was struck so softly, that in the time it took to get to John Danby, Curran had successfully written a strongly-worded letter to Sepp Blatter requesting the introduction of video technology.

"In this day and age, with this much at stake, these decisions need to be gotten correct," rinsed Curran.  "Someone in the ground must have had an iPhone or something.  NATV could help I suppose, but then the ref would have to be signed up to Blues Player, and you'd be waiting ages for a decision whilst the officials get angrier and angrier trying to get the website to work on a smart phone."

Gray added Chester's fourth just before the break, leaving Young with a selection dilemma going forward.

"We've signed Ben, so suddenly Tony starts scoring," puffed the Blues Boss.  "It's like when you're at home and you order a pizza but it doesn't turn up, so you put some cheese-on-toast on the grill instead. Then the pizza guy arrives with some excuse about traffic, and suddenly you've got two cheese based treats and you're not sure which to eat.  It's like that.

"It's exactly like that," a suddenly furious Young repeated quietly, eyes narrowed.

With the game wrapped up already, Chester barely bothered with the second half, and five minutes in, the back four sat down to have a game of Texas Hold 'Em, using some cards Dom Collins had smuggled onto the pitch behind his shinnies.  Captain George Horan took the responsibility of checking in with the game every now and then to make sure that Histon weren't on the counter, whilst Wes Baynes set about taking everyone's money.

Histon did net a goal around the hour mark, as Danny Williams refused to fold a good hand in order to get up and close down Shane Tolley, who tapped home from close range.

With results elsewhere favouring them, the Blues found themselves back at the top of the table, but the newly full-time Neil Young isn't taking anything for granted.

"I may have left Merseyrail behind, but I'm carrying the lessons with me," confirmed Young.  "One day there, we'd received some customer feedback that the toilets at Rock Ferry station were exemplery.  We went out and had a good party that night.  Next day, we turned up and someone had complained that the loos were clogged.  That taught me - never rest on your laurels.  And I never have since."

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