Monday, 12 November 2012

Chester FC 2-2 Worksop Town - Match Postport

Chester threw away a 2-0 lead on Saturday to ensure that they have to overcome a tricky tie away at Worksop on Wednesday if they want to progress in the FA Trophy.

With Wednesday's intended opponents Corby drawing their match, thereby cancelling the clash with the Blues, Chester's players decided they wanted a midweek game after all and contrived to capitulate from a position that looked more comfortable than the backseat of a limousine made out of beanbags and marshmellows.

Worksop cleverly lulled the Blues into a false sense of security by fielding a goalkeeper who isn't allowed to play Sunday League football, because he looks "too Sunday League" and wandering around the pitch in the first half as though they were time travellers from the distant past, overawed by this unfamiliar sporting pursuit called "footballs".

Nathan Jarman took full advantage of the slow start by netting two early goals, whilst Antoni Sarcevic spent the first fifteen minutes of the match growing a comical moustache.  The Seals then cruised up to the interval as the rest of the half petered out, providing about as much entertainment as those parody Neil Young Twitter accounts that you get.

There was some brief excitement as Famous Colin Murray and Famous Beth Tweddle ventured onto the pitch at half time for some business or other, known only to those in the Main Stand.  The larger-than-life Murray rather overshadowed gymnast and Olympic Bronze Medallist Tweddle, later exclaiming that "you need at least a Silver to upstage big Col!"

As Chester entered the pitch for the second half, it became clear that the players had been using their smart phones to keep up with the CFU election debacle, with all eleven having visibly lost the will to carry on with the game and, indeed, with life in general.  As John Danby made a complete hash of a routine clearance to allow Leon Mettam in to make it 2-1, he wore the unmistakable shoulder slump of a man who has just been logged on to Deva Chat.

The inevitable came when Ash Burbeary, a player whose main first half contribution was having a name which you can't have, pivoted to sweep home from close range, sending Blues manager Neil Young into such a rage that he briefly began to grow hair for the first time in ten years.

Chester were perhaps fortunate to hold out for the draw, securing Wednesday's replay.  Young was notably infuriated by the second half display, whilst physio Will Osbourne was so sickened by the performance that he quit his role at the club altogether.

"I HOPE they get injured after that shambles," roared Osbourne, and he trudged away from the Exacta for the final time.

Meanwhile, with the latest version of Football Manager having recently come out, Blues fans have a renewed sense of grandeur regarding their own managerial prowess, with some complaining that the game went downhill for Chester after Young brought on a third striker, damaging the shape of the team.  Whilst this all sounds very perceptive, it has since been noted that the substitution in question took place around about an hour after things first started to get ropey for the Blues, and the two things are therefore unlikely to be related.

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