Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Final straw for Colwyn Bay

Colwyn Bay have finally lost patience with Chester FC nicking all their stuff after the Bumpers Lane outfit went a step too far yesterday and stole Colwyn Bay's opponents for Saturday.

After Histon failed to fulfill an away game at Colwyn Bay's hilariously named Red Lion Food Stadium, the Seagulls had hoped to play the Cambridgeshire this week instead.  Instead, the league decided that Histon should host Chester at their gaff, instead.

"We thought it better that Histon have a home fixture in order to give them a better chance of raising a team," said Blue Square Bet North official Jimmy Suit.  "They've assured us that last week was a one off, and it was just because a few of the lads had to go to a wedding and the manager had promised to take his wife Christmas shopping before the rush, but it's best not to take chances."

Colwyn Bay chairman Bobby Pattercakes has expressed his fury at the decision.

"We can just about handle that Chester lot stealing our manager, coaching staff and Luke Denson.  We got over that bizarre incident where they signed our keeper then gave him back and I've even overlooked the fact that I know Neil Young once took a Colwyn Bay branded pen home with him from the office," raved Pattercakes.  "But now they're ganking our opponents?  When will they be happy?!"

Sources close to Chester manager Young have indicated that the mischievous bossman is quietly intending to arrange to play Chester's next home game at the Bay's stadium, with a slated kick off time of 2.55pm.

"Youngy's been well enamoured with the idea of Colwyn Bay turning up at their ground only to find that the Blues have already kicked off on their pitch," revealed Gordon the Train, formerly of Thomas the Tank Engine fame, now working with Young at Merseyrail.  "In his own words - 'it'd be a laugh riot'"

Young himself has played down suggestions that his club have ruthlessly stripped the Welsh side of their best assets, pointing out that the deal works both ways.

"Hey, look, they nicked Jamie Rainford and Luke Holden off me, you know," he pointed out.  "Those boys were vital in Chester's ongoing commitment to teaching people how not to use Twitter."

The Blues are expected to take at least one away supporters coach to Histon, with CEO the Pet Husky rumoured to be keen on carjacking Colwyn Bay manager Jon Newby's Skoda Roomster for the drive down, due to it being "right spacious".

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