Thursday, 19 April 2012

Chorley Town 0-2 Chester FC - Sense of Victory Report

Chester sent pub quiz bores into a frothy mess last night as they inched closer to their 100-point and 100-goal target with a routine victory over plastic rivals Chorley Town. In truth, Gary Flitcroft's men were second best throughout - mainly due the fact Chester have the best players in the league, lots more points and loads more goals.

A large travelling army of 813 managed to remember where they'd put their tickets from the postponed fixture in February and descended upon 'Victory' Park, overlooking the fact that they could easily have enjoyed a high quality football match from the comfort and warmth of their sofas with ITV1 showing a Chelsea v Barcelona game that actually held some relevance.

The Blues dominated the early stages and opened the scoring in the sixth minute.  Latching onto a Robbie Booth through ball, Chris Simm rounded the keeper to stab the ball in the net, only for Iain Howard to steal the last touch, much as Simm himself had done to Booth at North Ferriby last month.

"Team Winger - REVENGE!", yelled Howard as he openly gloated in front of a visibly upset Simm.

Howard, not content with his new hair has reportedly invested in a new set of teeth, a clear indication that the plastering industry is booming.

“We’ve encouraged Iain to get his gnashers done,” confirmed Neil Young.  "In recent games, he'd be standing out on the left flank in space waving his arms about but nobody noticed him.  He’s positively gleaming now, and he’s reaping the rewards”.

Chorley did threaten once or twice, but nobody really remembered or cared.  "I was at the game and the first I heard of Michael Taylor's heroic clearance was on Tall Peacock's Twitter feed," exclaimed Blues fan Trenton Mugshot.

Chronic Chronicle Twitter addict The Peacock also mused on the chilled out aura that oozed out of manager Neil Young during the game.  Young reportedly took time out to declare to the press area that Chester’s second goal from Mark Williams was the result of a training ground routine, and that he alone should take the credit. The Blues supremo further relaxed as he sportingly participated in a game of Cluedo with the press hounds, whilst occasionally barking at the referee to feign interest in events unfolding on the pitch.

"Professor Plum! With a lead pipe... in the Billiard Room? BOOM!", Young exclaimed on the 70min mark as the main stand burst into applause, leaving Evening Leader scribe Tennis Ball to curse his luck, having already correctly identified the location and assailant.

The away following were in fine voice throughout the game, with a non-stop rendition of "I am a Cestrian" being aired in an attempt to beat the previous record of ridiculously long chanting, held by the travelling faithful at Leyton Orient in 2000 who solemnly recited "Ian Atkins' Blue and White Army" from the moment they boarded the coach in the morning.

"I'm still going!", cried away day fanatic Adam McSnare. "Ian Atkins Blue and White Army!"

Trevor Brokeback of the Royal Society of Grown Men Chanting at Football, insisted that the Ian Atkins chant still holds the record, whilst giving honourable mentions to "Big Bob's Barmy Army" at Chesterfield and "Top of the League, having a laugh" at Shrewsbury in the Conference-winning season.

The game finished 2-0 and, for the second year in succession, joyous Blues fans filed out of the ground to be faced with an intimidating pack of hooved animals, the entire council tax budget having been blown on substituting last season's baying mob of locals with police horses.

Chester return to action for the final time this season on Saturday when Marine visit the Exacta Stadium looking to spoil the record books.  "Wouldn't it be great if Perry Groves and Pat Nevin could score the two goals we need to reach the hundred?!" said everyone on Deva Chat.

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