Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Mobot, Mo' Problems

Chester Football Club's perfect start to the season is under threat as internal turmoil rages through the Exacta Stadium with jealous squad members reportedly mutinous over the popularity of "The Milbot", despite this not actually being a thing.

Star striker Ben Mills has taken to punctuating his goals by replicating British athlete Mo Farah's trademark celebration, with some supporters declaring that the "Milbot" is better than the "Mobot".

"It's not.  It's exactly the same, except Mo did it first," explained Dr Trent Baitbox from the Royal Institute of Doing Actions to Commemorate Achievements.

Meanwhile, having heard the forward sit down and strum a couple of Oasis tunes on an acoustic guitar, many Blues fans have been excitedly talking of how "Wondermills" is a much better song than the 90s original.

Mills's team-mates, however, have not taken to the new craze with quite the same gusto, aware that their own post-goal antics will now be under scrutiny.  After hooping in a volley against Solihull Moors on Saturday, Nathan Jarman froze with panic, unable to produce a trademark celebration of his own.

"I was trying to think of how to twist myself into a "J" shape," confirmed Jarman.  "After the game, I came up with the hilarious idea of storing a chocolate bar in my sock and eating it if I score, but apparently that's been done before."

Other players are unconcerned with originality and are reportedly considering taking Mills's lead by plagiarising the choreography of more famous athletes.  Iain Howard has confirmed that he will mark his next goal by stealing John Fashanu's "awooga" catchphrase, Marc Williams will strike Usain Bolt's lightning pose, Dave Hankin will take Alan Shearer's single raised hand and Michael Taylor needn't worry about it.

Elsewhere, prolific left-back Matty McGinn has lamented his inability to celebrate his Altrincham goal in the manner it deserved, as Liam Brownhill was not on hand to run after him screaming like a lunatic, the way he did against Northwich last season.

"That was a magic celebration," drooped McGinn.  "I'll never have another one like it now Liam's gone."

Neil Young has confirmed that he will continue to stay calm on the touchline as the goals fly in, and save up his excitement for when he gets home, whereupon he will celebrate through vigorous tap dancing.

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