(Those of you looking for MC Neil Young, click here)
Kendal Town vs Chester FC - Match Preview
Yeah, it's not happening.
Congratulations to star striker Michael Wilde on the birth of his son, Kaiden.
“It’s absolutely belting news and I’m made up, but I’m not sure how long I can pretend to laugh at people who joke about signing him up. That one's already wearing a bit thin,” remarked Wilde.
Bookmakers have slashed odds on PA announcer Rob Clegg mentioning the news at least twice at Saturday’s game against Worksop, complete with a witty pun.
We're the vaguely well-known in its own city Chester FC and there's still an outside chance of Wemberly
The Blues have been drawn away to the winners of Corby vs North Ferriby in the first round of the FA Trophy.
“Jeepers creepers,” bemoaned Young.
“I’m getting proper sick of these tiresome draws in cup competitions. I was really looking forward to tackling a hangover at The Racecourse at midday on a Sunday, being marshalled by North Wales police all day and taking on a team who are full time and top of the Conference. Now we’ve got a winnable game in the middle of nowhere. Still, at least it’s not an Ashton team.”
In related news, recent polls confirmed that over 65% of people who typically attend a Wrexham v Chester fixture would class The Business, featuring Danny Dyer, as "quite good".
Antoni Sarcevic was arrested on Saturday evening after the Grammar Police finally caught up with the talented midfielder. The former Crewe man has been charged with ‘needlessly using a capital letter at the start of each word on his Tweets’.
“It’s a blow for Sarce, but I must admit that poor grammar really bugs me and we have previously discussed this with him,” revealed Pat Your Husky.
“He’ll be educated and released,” commented PC Full Stop.
The Jestrian contacted Bill Smith yesterday for a reaction to the news that he’s been elected onto the Chester FC Board.
Smith, who didn't actually attend the AGM at which he was elected said, “Hmm, I’m on the board? ...Is that the football club? ...Ah yes I remember now. Yeah, chuffed to bits. When’s the next meeting?”.
The Jestrian has shelved plans to use Brill Quiff as an alternative name for Smith, after an angry Michael Powell filed a copyright suit, claiming a monopoly on all quiff-mentions on the Jestrian.