Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Stalybridge Celtic vs Chester FC - Tedium Preview

Right, there's another cup game tonight.  This is the one that has teams near Chester in it and doesn't involve Wembley.

Chester play Stalybridge Celtic in a game that literally no-one seems to be talking about.

"We have a game?" queried a surprised Michael Taylor.

"I should probably look into that."

Recent polls confirm that the tie has come 34th in a survey of the most tedious things you can do in November, falling just behind a wet weekend in Grimsby and Neil Young’s Mersey Rail self-assessment report presentation to shareholders.

“I remember the horrors of Cambridge away in the LDV Vans but when they announced this tie it really was a chilling moment” cried supporters coach regular Brenda Boiledsweet.

In the previous Senior Cup tie at Hyde, Gary Jones got bored and moved into the stand.

“I lose interest in some of these cup games” chuckled the jowly assistant.

“I sat at the top of the stand and tried to hit Gary Powell on the head with some chips I'd bought, just to liven things up. I got close a few times, including getting Wildey by mistake with a crispy one and then BOOM, Gaz turned around and I got him good style right on the conk.  We caught eye contact and both ripped up laughing – he loves a bit of that sort of thing, although Youngy was less than amused."

Early reports suggest that Senior Cup bigwigs have already singled out the chip incident to be included in the montage of highlights at the end of the competition.

An injury crisis at the club has restricted Young’s rotation options which could cause some tired legs come the end of this hectic month.

“Obviously Jamie’s gone which I’ve heard has had a lot of 'thumbs-up likes' on Facebok but it does leave us short of strikers. It’s easy to panic and sign someone like Michael Clarke or Nick Rogan at this time of the year, so it’s important we liaise with our scouts and see if there’s a boy out there who can enhance the squad” explained Young.

“And it’s too late to go grovelling to Gregga now, he’d have done us a job for sure.”

Former Chester City manager Jim Harvey is in charge at Stalybridge and has with him former Blues including Lloyd Ellams and Tim Ryan.  Harvey continues to command quite the reputation at Chester, despite having only managed City for a few minutes.

"It's a disgrace that we hired Neil Young, when Jim Harvey exists," grumbled one fan who is in two minds as to who to support tonight.

"He's a manager who we had once, and who has managed in the non-leagues a bit, and that's enough for my expert opinion.  Sack the board."

Harvey, who works full time, for full time outfit Stalybridge, has taken Celtic to the top of the Conference North, but fans who know better still think he might prefer to come ply his trade for a semi-pro outfit further down the non-league structure.

"You can't tell me that Harvs wouldn't prefer to spend half his time in some admin job, making the bills meet," insisted Harry Mac regular Gerry McSplash

Kick off at Bower Fold is 19:45, if anyone is actually going. For anyone who needs deterring any further, the tie goes to extra time and penalties if the first 90 minutes don't yield a result, and providing none of the players are working nights.

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