Chester FC vs Chris Simm and some other chaps FC - Match Think

Chester play what they are promising is their last friendly of pre-season tomorrow as they welcome Chris Simm back to the Exacta Stadium.

Following his release at the end of last season, Simm signed for Bangor City, explaining that his decision was based largely on his love of bangers and mash.

"The words sound the same, so I thought I'd like probably playing here," grinned Simm.

Simm had a mixed season last term but, since his departure, Blues fans have heralded his contribution as “one of the best since Rimmer in the 87-88 season”, whilst spectators have been spotted tutting aggressively each time ex-Football League striker Adam Proudlock touches the ball.  Devachat is certain to crash under sheer weight of traffic should Simm net tomorrow.

"Look, it's the Chester way to campaign aggressively for the reinstatement of players who have moved on," explained super-fan Martin Crashmat - a driving force behind such movements as 'Bring Back Bradley Barnes' and 'Justice for the Judge'. 

"I've lost count of the number of placards I've made for former players, whilst refusing to give new arrivals a chance."

Alongside Simm in the Bangor squad is likely to be full-back Liam Brownhill.  Brownhill made some major contributions to Chester's title-winning campaign last year - most notably, scoring a goal against one of the hundred Ashton teams in that league, and getting his face in that photograph of Matty McGinn ramping home the goal that secured the championship for the Blues against Northwich Vics.

"Brownhill landed himself in Chester folklore that day," recounts club historian Jazz Drummer.  "He skilfully weaved his way into shot, wearing a bizarre facial expression, just as Matty thumped the ball in the net.  That was something that he brought to the team that Wes Baynes just couldn't emulate."

"Liam's unlucky that fans aren't calling for his return," continues Drummer.  "The only reason for this is that we still have two full backs from last season.  If we'd got rid of them all and signed the Da Silva twins from Man U, you can bet your bottom dollar there'd be some 'We want our Brownhill back' banners hanging in West Stand."

The game takes place on the second day of a three day Real Ale Festival that is being held at the Exacta after CFU media-king and chief plane botherer, Jiff Bricks, got his RAFs mixed up.  Former director The Dark Owl is expected to maybe pop his head in on the match between pints, whilst Neil Young will pace the touchline nursing a cheeky pale ale and humming his favourite The Suns tracks.