Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Young laughs off sketchy pre-season

Following Chester FC’s ‘iffy’ performances in recent friendlies, manager Neil Young has moved to re-assure concerned lunatics that all is well, commenting that pre-season is "basically just a bit of a laugh".

The Blues were rinsed last night by a Northwich Victoria outfit against whom the Blues secured two draws last season.  Wearing Airbus shirts, but still playing distinctly closer to Northwich than the Vics will be this season, Chester's opposition ran out 3-0 winners, despite some Deva Chatters trying to claim a points victory.

Neil Young, meanwhile, was less interested in the football and spent most of the match watching his assistant Gary Jones do impressions of the linesman whilst he wasn't looking.

"He's a talented mimic," giggled Young to the bench, missing Airbus score their second.

It is not the first indicator that the Blues Chief isn't being too serious about his team's preparations for the coming season.  Fans were visibly distressed when Dave Hankin took to the field in a kilt against Scottish Premier League outfit Kilmarnock but Young dismissed concerns, retorting that this was “fine by me” and urging fans to “lighten up”.

Young's comments have some credence as there is plenty of evidence to confirm that pre-season is a hoot. Perhaps most notably, there is a written document, locked away in an Exacta Stadium filing cabinet, which suggests that former Chester City boss Keith Curle once fielded backroom staff lieutenant Stuart Bruce-Lee in a friendly. The document recounts Bruce-Lee swivelling and executing a crushing volleyed goal in a comprehensive victory during the club's Cornish tour.  Rumours that the goal was set up by Ryan Chuck-Norris were later proven to be an urban myth.

Further evidence that pre-season is a right lark has also been forthcoming, with witness accounts recalling that a man called McSporran once played for CCFC in a pre-season campaign under Mark Wright’s stewardship, and that Cortez Belle once climbed on top of the roof at Connah's Quay Nomads during a period of boredom in a match in order to outrageously aim gobstoppers at the Nomads goalkeeper.

“If you can’t see the funny side of charging someone a fiver for pie then we may as well pack it in,” continued a visibly irritated Young.

“Couldn’t believe they fell for it, to be honest. As a club, we’ve never taken this time of the year seriously, and I’m not about to break that habit.”

Meanwhile, CFU media engine Jaffa Cakes was seen beaming following an elaborate gag played by Blues Live as Chester played host to Aston Villa u12s last Saturday.

“You were all there at home waiting for the broadcast and, BANG, it never came,” grinned Cakes.

“Only at this time of the year, eh?” he added, rolling his eyes.

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