Wednesday, 24 October 2012

It's oh so quiet...

Chester FC is currently suffering its worst lull since the club's reformation in 2010.

Absolutely nothing Blues-related has happened in ages now, leaving fans longing for the olden times when a couple of quiet days could always be brightened up by taking a squint at Jamie Rainford's Twitter feed.

"It's been that long since we've had a game that I've even forgotten how angry I am about the pies that we get down the Exacta these days," yodelled West Stand super fan Terrence Cattlegrid.

Manager Neil Young, however, has insisted that the time has not been wasted, and attempted to prove his point during a press conference by doing the Alan Rickman impression that he's been perfecting.

"It needs a bit of work," he concluded modestly, though this was drowned out by the thunderous applause of the journalists present, awe-struck as they were by the Blue Chief's bob-on imitation of Hans Gruber off of The Die Hard.

Earlier in the week, Young offered an interview to the official website, in which he stated that he believes the squad needs another left winger.  Ever since his arrival at the club, Young has signed up more left wingers than the Communist Party Membership Secretary - and the Chester manager is showing no signs of giving up what, by now, must be a running joke between him and his backroom staff.

"Look, we've only got Iain Howard and Sean Clancy.  One of them is the top scorer in the current squad, the other is this summer's big name signing...  so obviously we're a bit understocked there," fretted Young. "And what if they both get injured, who's gonna play that position then?  Matty McGinn?  When has that ever worked?"

Meanwhile, Leader journalist Tennis Ball has been attempting to fill the downtime by seeing just how far he can go with stating the obvious before his editors refuse to publish his articles.  Following an exposé into George Horan's shocking desire to win a third title in a row, Ball then moved report that Luke Denson thinks that Neil Young is a good manager.

"If I could also just go on record as saying I definitely don't hate blue and white stripes, too?" offered Denson - another strong career move.

Finally, with Chester-supporting broadcaster Gnarly Hamper due to talk about the club on Radio Merseyside tonight, the lack of news surrounding the Blues is likely to cause him problems.  Following a cursory five minutes' chat about Ben Mills, Hamper is expected to fill the rest of the hour by humming his favourite terrace chants in a falsetto key.

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