Monday, 1 October 2012

Stalybridge Celtic 2-6 Chester FC - Match Digest

Chester recorded a 6-2 hammering of Stalybridge Celtic on Saturday, with The Jestrian credited as the driving force behind the spectacular win.

Iain Howard ramped home a hat-trick, with Neil Young finally persuaded to give the winger an extended run in the starting line up.

"I just want to thank The Jestrian for the part it undoubtedly played in my recall to the side," said Howard after the match.  "The passive aggressive little comments the Jestrian has been publishing regarding my absence is sure to have influenced the gaffer far more than my form or Youngy's tactical prowess."

Howard had to wait for his goals however, and was first provider, when he caused the goal-mouth scramble which led to Nathan Jarman doubling the lead which Antoni Sarcevic had given the Blues just minutes earlier.  The plasterer then opened his account, benefitting from Stalybridge's questionable defensive tactic of giving the ball back to Chester on the edge of the area.

"I got it wrong," admitted Celtic boss Jim Harvey.  "I told the lads that the best form of attack is defence.  It was only once they were out on the pitch that I realised I'd skewed my words.  Bit embarrassing."

Howard's second came when he fired home a stunning volley from a Marc Williams cross and the number 11 wheeled away miming a dedicatory Jester's hat in celebration, probably.

With the Blues 4-0 up at the break, Sean Clancy cut a forlorn figure.  The former Fleetwood man could be seen visibly wincing as Howard rocketed home his volley, but his concerns appear run deeper than for his own place in the side.

"I can take Iain being first choice left-winger," insisted Clancy.  "But have you seen his quiff?  It's starting to look better than mine.  Next thing we know, he'll be offered a spot on Desperate Scousewives.  He's stealing my life!"

With Harvey forgetting to correct his earlier slip of the tongue, Stalybridge continued to gift possession to Chester early in the second half, wrapping a bow around the ball and placing it at the feet of Antoni Sarcevic who duly patted home his second.

Remembering how to play football, Celtic struck back through Jack Laird, before Howard netted this third.  Sarcevic rocketed through for a hat-trick of his own, but found himself wiped out by the keeper and watched from the floor as Howard slotted the loose ball into the open net.

As Howard celebrated, taunting the flattened Sarcevic, he was removed by manager Young, who feared a scuffle.

"Sarce was well up for grabbing Iain and rubbing his face on the ground so that his teeth stop sparkling," reported Young.  "I thought it best to diffuse the situation and get Clancer on."

Another goal was unsportingly smashed home by Stalybridge's Jordan Barrow after both teams had clearly agreed to stop playing.  The final whistle might even have come a couple of minutes early as the ref sensed the petering out of the game and spied a chance to get home for tea.

"It's a phenomenal result for the Blues, and one which may well kick start the season," commented club historian Jazz Drummer.  "Future generations will look back on today as the moment that Chester FC really returned, and it's all thanks to The Jestrian."

"Their relentless promotion of Iain Howard has definitely led to this marvellous performance, and whilst some people may point to it being a dingy, little-read blog with a Twitter account that has been stalled at just under 300 followers for months now, those of us in-the-know accept what a power-house it is behind the scenes."

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