Thursday, 21 February 2013

Chester board announce new "Stand Builder" scheme

With news breaking today that Northwich Victoria's Danebank Stand is to be auctioned off, prominent members of The City Fans United board have confirmed that the club will be launching a "Stand Builder" scheme in order to bring the inexplicably popular terrace to the Exacta Stadium.

"It's basically like the squad builder idea that we implemented to bring Ben Mills to the club, after we'd brought Ben Mills to the club," confirmed TCFU media pipe Jaffa Cakes.  "We're gonna go off and buy it, then we'll be asking you to pay up, 'cos you said something about it on Deva Chat."

"We're still gonna ignore anything you say about pies on there though."

The Danebank Stand is apparently where we all stood when Chester played Northwich on Boxing Day 2011, and its reputation is an indicator that peer pressure is still rife in football.

"The atmosphere that day really wasn't THAT special," confided a confused, but anonymous fan.  "It was decent, obviously, given the nature of the occasion.  But no-one was looking round the stand in awe of the acoustics or anything.  We were too busy wondering if someone was going to get John Disney back in the ocean so that he'd stop flapping about on the floor, I think."

"Then, three months later, one guy says "The Danebank Stand was amazing", and suddenly everyone's on the bandwagon not wanting to look like they're not up to speed on chant-friendly structures.  I don't even know what a Danebank is.  Wasn't he in Another Level?  Did a single with Victoria Beckham?"

The ideal plan for the purchase of the Danebank appears to be to put it flush in front of the West Stand at the Exacta Stadium.

"West Standers love a moan, so I reckon they'd be delighted at having their view obstructed," explained Banks.  "It can't replace the West Stand, as then the West Standers will all just move into the Danebank, and that will just amplify the deathly silence that eminates from that area of the ground every home game.  Can't blame them for being quiet though, they're probably spending the time thinking up the perfect words to use on DevaChat to describe how the volume of Cleggy's microphone isn't quite right."

Rumours that the club intends to purchase the stand in order to lend it to Histon are unconfirmed.

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