Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Chester to play in "skins" next season

Following the overwhelmingly negative reaction to the designs put forward for next season's CFC change strip, CFU media king Jaffa Cakes has reacted by screaming "fine, we just won't have an away kit next season, then!"

With fans furious that the colours suggested for next season's second shirt aren't positioned where they'd like on the spectrum, it has now been confirmed that the The City Fans United board have given up and Chester will only have a Blue and White striped shirt next season.

"On occasions where we can't wear the famous Blue and White, we'll just play shirts vs skins," explained Cakes.  "It actually works pretty well, as all the fans already have skin, so they've got the kit the already.  We all know Chester fans reckon they're entitled to have stuff for free, so this is the perfect solution."

With gathering pace, Cakes continued to list the benefits.

"It also means there are no gripes over sizing.  If you're 4XL, then your skin will adjust, and we don't have to hear you moan on about how hard it is to get sporting gear that fits a physique which hasn't exercised in 20 years.  Strange, that."

"Of course, the design is gonna look a bit different on some fans as against Jarmo and Howard but maybe highlighting that difference will see a reduction in shouts of 'I could have scored that' from supporters who you suspect would be gasping if they ever had to run out the tunnel at the Exacta."

To compound the bizarre situation, a poll has been set up on Deva Chat asking which colour people would prefer, with orange emerging as an utterly inexplicable front-runner.

"Orange?!  Seriously, WHAT?!", roared Cakes, riled again.  "What possible connection have we ever had with orange?  I had a Tango at the match once, that's about it.  Imagine if we'd have suggested orange!  They'd have been screaming their heads off and asking for grey."

Indeed, scientists at the Royal Institute of Unrequested Sporting Facts have confirmed that no club wearing orange has ever looked anything other than Sunday League.

"Yes, that includes Blackpool," growled Dr Roger Thimbleclink.

Manager Neil Young is thought to be keen on the orange idea, however, and intends to loan in four players to wear the orange shirt and stand around his Exacta parking spot like traffic cones in order to reserve it.

"Think big, win big," nodded Young.

In related news, it has been confirmed that colours are just a side effect of light reflecting off stuff and into your eye, and so long as you can tell which team is which, everything is probably ok.

"But no, suddenly everyone thinks they're Gok Wan," muttered Cakes.

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