Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Player out of focus - Michael Powell

Tears have been shed at the Exacta Stadium this week as iconic Blues midfielder Michael Powell moved on permanently, signing terms with Witton Albion.

A rich source of material for the Jestrian, Powell was awarded a yellow card in virtually every game he played for the club, but occasionally mixed things up with a red.  Indeed, his last ever game for the club was cut short in such circumstances when he was dismissed early away at Halifax.

"I guess, in hindsight, that if you're a player on the periphery of the squad, headbutting a man is not the best plan to win your place back," muses the midfielder.  "It seemed like a good idea at the time, though.  Cheeky flick of the noggin - bosh!"

Powell's disciplinary problems have had a far greater impact than many had realised.  It has now been confirmed that the £20,000 recently reported missing from club accounts was actually blown on paying the fines racked up by the former Southport man's penchant for yellow cards.

"There was far more to his game than the bookings, though," confirms Blues manager Neil Young, a veiled reference to Powell's fabled hair and physique.

A quiffy beanpole, Witton's new recruit wowed fans with a fringe which was once described by scientists as "bouncier than Tigger".

"We've done the experiments and everything," nods Dr Christopher Robin from the Royal Institute of Peculiar Similes.

Indeed, the midfielder's quiff is such a cult figure at the club, that Young briefly enquired as to whether he could sell Powell but keep his hair on the books.  This request was turned down by CEO Pet Husky, who confirmed that the fringe actually accounts for 90% of Powell's wages.

"I'm actually only five feet tall without my hair, so it's the major breadwinner in the family," mumbles Powell wistfully.

Instead, current squad members will be expected to take up the challenge of bringing noteworthy hair back to the club.  Iain Howard has produced some kind of boyband barnet this year, despite everyone assuming that he lacked the ability to grow hair whilst no-one quite knows what Craig Curran's agenda was.

As for Powell, he may well yet be reunited with his former employers.  Witton Albion have famously made great efforts to establish links with CFC in recent times, and Young has confirmed that the Cheshire club have informed him that he can "come over and visit Michael any time".

Thanks for the memories, Powelly.

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