Monday, 11 February 2013

Entire Blues squad set for exit

Chester FC manager Neil Young has been dealt a blow this morning following revelations that his entire squad is set to join Halifax. Having enjoyed a weekend off, each member of Young's platoon has expressed an interest in sacking off the footy every Saturday, with Halifax considered the prime location to realise this ambition.

"People say that football is the dream job," mused current Seals captain George Horan. "But it gets boring after a while. The real joy is in getting paid to play football whilst not actually having to play football."

"I hate getting muddy," he added.

Indeed, Halifax, or Massifax as they are called by people who are wrong, have only played twice in the league this season. One of these occasions was against the Blues, when they turned up, got beat, then went away telling everyone how they're much better than Chester.

"It's a bit like in boxing, some chump getting sparked out in the second round, then going about bragging to everyone that he's well harder than the guy who just bashed him in," confirmed Young. "No-one believes him and he just looks a bit desperate."

Nonetheless, the Chester players appear serious in their ambitions to get paid to be footballers whilst simultaneously managing to spend Saturday afternoons in the pub. Indeed, the idea of professional footballers refusing to play football is nothing new. Stoke City have been doing it for years, though theirs is a variation on the theme.

Meanwhile, when asked whether Iain Howard would finally be allowed to start a game if the rest of the squad all emigrate to Halifax, Neil Young shuffled uncomfortably and asked "is that my phone ringing?", before answering the remote control for the TV in his office.

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