The CFU Top Brass, Shark Growl has secured the booking of up and coming band The Chris Pilsburys for the FA Trophy clash with Stafford.
The Chris Pilsburys is a boyband consisting of Chris Pilsbury, three clones of Chris Pilsbury and Chris Pilsbury Jr.
Growl claims that there is “a gap in the market since Westlife parted company" and confirmed that The Chris Pilsburys will be performing a pop-operatic version of ‘Wilde Thing’ on the Exacta pitch at half time on November 5th. If Wilde comes off the bench for the game, The Chris Pilsbury’s are set to gather on the touchline to sing Eminem’s classic ‘Without Me’, harmonising the lines “Guess who’s back, back again, Wildey’s back, tell a friend”.
Opening the Barnes Door
Bradley Barnes is set to return to the club following his loan spell at Chester feeder club Colwyn Bay and his presence is sure to boost the gate for the game against Frickley on Saturday, which is a Think Pink day in support of Breast Cancer Awareness.
The club are already selling tickets for the auction afterwards, as fans started to act like children on Christmas Eve at the prospect of shelling out a ridiculous amount of money for Barnes’s pink shirt even though he probably won’t even get the chance to sweat in it. CFC officials have quashed rumours that they will be rubbing mud on the shirt to make it look like he at least warmed up vigoursly, should he fail to get game time on Saturday.
“He’s back to put some numbers on the gate, and look handsome in a pink shirt, but after that he’s straight back down the A55,” cackled manager Neil Young.
It's Raining Fords
Neil Young has publicly backed out of sorts striker Jamie Rainford in the local press this week.
“We’ll get him back to thinking he’s the scouse Ronaldo,” insisted Young.
“Ever since he got stick for calling himself 'Ronaldo' on Facebook, his confidence has been shot, but we're working on it.”
Jerome Wright has suffered in a similar way. After enjoying impressive pre-season displays, Wright then referred to himself as Ruel Fox on Friendster and has since struggled to make an impact. Bradley Barnes has risked invoking this curse, taking to MySpace to dub himself "The New Lars Bohinen", in an attempt to curry favour with Neil Young.
"Bohinen was a boss player," admitted Young, when asked.
Rainford was thwarted by Ashton goalkeeper Terry Smith in last Saturday’s match against Ashton, but was advised afterwards by Smith that if he practices with an invisible ball then he’ll come good.
Cooler than me (and you, and everyone you know)
Christian Smith is closer to returning to first team action after recovering from a spell on the sidelines.
“Darn tootin', Smiggers is back,” drawled the ice cool Smith.
“I’ve been chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool but I’m ready to get back on the pitch whether it’s in midfield or in defence with my boy Tay Tay. Call me.”
It's been a week since we mentioned it, but Michael Powell still has an excellent quiff.