Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Volunteers Wanted

Your semi-regular round up of volunteering opportunities at Chester FC

Word Re-definer
The City Fans United requires a skilled wordsmith to change the definition of the word "annual" in all mainstream dictionaries, in order to justify the continued absence of an AGM.  Applicants should apply by meeting with the The CFU board in a shady, disused car-park.  Possibilities include the car park for The Racecourse in Wrexham on matchdays.

Cup Coordinator
This is a vacancy which needs filling urgently.  CFC requires an individual with way too much time on his or her hands to keep up with all the pointless cup competitions in which their group of semi-professionals are forced to play.  Duties will include following Chester's progress in these competitions, remembering which ones CFC are still in, remembering who got booked in which cup and ensuring that the comedy value of the Cheshire Senior Cup is maintained at all times.  Email applications to

Human Shields
CFC requires an undetermined number of fans to line the Harry Mac Terrace, taking blows from balls being carelessly punted into the stand by Chester's bored substitutes during the half time interval.  Should a player accidentally strike a pensioner, child or, worse, a contributing member of society and subsequently come into the terrace to apologise, the Human Shields should lead the chorus that this is a classy move, rather than the most miniscule act of basic human decency.  Applications should be made by getting your face in the way of a ball at half time.

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