Monday, 3 October 2011

Barnes and Stones move on

Two of last season’s title winning heroes were shown the exit door last week, as Neil Young attempts to trim down a large squad. Bradley Barnes is set to join 17 former Chester FC players at Colwyn Bay and Greg Stones has headed for Prestatyn.

Barnes was a solid midfielder who became popular beyond his wildest dreams once he stopped getting picked.

“It’s a bit like my ex-girlfriend Sally” said Henry Hunter, B Block regular.

“I wasn’t that keen on her, but when she left, I suddenly really wanted her again. I started remembering the good times, the walks in the park, watching the X Factor on a Saturday night and that stunning volley she scored against Ossett. Actually, that last one might have been Brad.”

Meanwhile, Stones was one of the first batch of players signed by Young upon the formation of Chester FC and his departure will be a blow to the squad as he could fill each and every position if and when required, up to and including donning the BiG Lupus costume and carrying the water. At one point he even had a shot at being Chief Executive when Paolo Del Cluskio phoned in sick.

The gigantic utility player was lambasted by oafs who know little about football but by the majority his efforts were respected as he would usually be dependable at worst. Stones was also a purveyor of trickery, when he would regularly perform multiple step overs in the most pressurised of situations, then run past players shouting “you’ve been merked!”

And it’s not only on the pitch where Stones will be missed. His Booker nominated programme feature ‘Gregga’s Gripes’ which featured in The Cestrian was a firm fans favourite, and would often bring a smile to a fan’s face when they would read the programme at half time, prior to having a football powered towards their skull whilst not looking at the pitch. In an exit interview, Stones reassured fans of the column’s future.

“I’ll now have some spare time between clubs to really have a think about more things that irk me so fans can sleep comfortably knowing that when I do sign for my next club, the column will return bigger and better than ever.”

Greg submitted one final gripe to Programme Editor Bob Ashcloud for the recent Chorley Town clash, but Ashcloud deemed “Youngy’s released me, how could he do that?! TO ME?!” as inappropriate for publication.

Meanwhile, another saga that has dragged on for quite some time is the ‘Get Simmo on Twitter’ campaign. Chorley Town defender Andrew Teague took to jabbing him during Wednesday night’s game saying “go on, go on, go on” and David Cameron has added his signature to a growing list of names on a petition – although this did lose some authority when it was discovered that it was actually the signature of former Chester City striker and Scottish/Welsh/Geordie (could anyone actually tell?) chunk David Cameron.

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