Chester FC was last night thrown into turmoil as Buxton played host to a 1-1 draw which sent goalkeeper John Danby into a spiral of depression.
Having not conceded a goal in living memory, Chester went in at half time leading, after Michael Powell quiffed home a Wesley Baynes delivery. This came off the back of Buxton missing a spot kick that sent penalty king Matty McGinn into a giggling fit so severe he's now rated 'doubtful' for Saturday's trip to FC United.
However, within ten minutes of the second period starting, Michael Wilde's dad Josh had scored for the home side, sending shockwaves through the Chester team. Having forgotten the procedure, John Danby asked the referee whether he was allowed to retrieve the ball from the net, or whether it worked like those machines you get at The Megabowl. As Chester were asked to kick off again, Matty McNeil protested for five minutes that his side had already done their one kick off for the game and there was a further delay as the referee retrieved the official rule book from the changing room in order to prove to the veteran striker that this was the way that the game must restart.
As the game finally got underway again, Michael Taylor began to vomit violently and Liam Brownhill lost focus, wondering how he would explain this on Twitter. Having lost all faith in humanity, Baynes, Wilde and Powell all picked up cautions from the card-happy referee.
Former CFC benchjockey Mark Reed had a golden opportunity to give Buxton the lead, but fluffed his lines after he was distracted by John Danby, who was sitting in the corner of his goal, crying and drinking heavily.
Chester did break through the grief briefly. Jamie Rainford who, in contrast to John Danby's aversion to conceding goals, seems to be reluctant to score them, sent in an excellent centre for Howard who saw his shot saved by the Buxton keeper. Emotions were running high and Chris Simm spat at gunned up winger Howard, accusing him of "disgracing Danby's memory".
And Buxton almost took victory in the dying seconds, but Scott Maxfield's goalbound effort was deflected round the post by a solitary John Danby tear as the game ended a goal apiece.
Grumpy Chester fans were delighted that the side had finally conceded, and wasted no time in telling their long-suffering friends that they'd seen it coming for weeks and that manager Neil Young is clueless. Meanwhile, Michael Powell returned to his car to find the tyres slashed by members of The Real Bring Back Bradley Barnes Campaign.
Young delayed his press conference in order to scream at the officials for noticing Baynes's comical dive. When he finally wandered over to speak to the journalists, Young performed a One Man Play entitled "All the decisions the ref got wrong" which spanned three acts and included an angry interpretive dance number depicting the first half penalty decision.
"To concede or not to concede" said the Blues boss.
"That is the question."